Where do I start?!

So, I'm finally getting a chance to sit down and write a blog. I've been putting it off for several days just b/c I didn't want to have to rush through it. A lot has happened in the past 7 days and I want to give as much detail as I can. I know a few people keep up with the Gilbert happenings but I like to go back and read my blogs from time to time also. Which brings up this question...

Do you ever take a moment to think about where you were at in life just a year ago?
I asked Chris and he said that he never did that, so maybe I'm the weird one :) But, seriously, I do that quite often. I like thinking about the positive things that have happened in my life in the previous 12 months. I rarely, if ever, think how great life was then and now it sucks. My life is pretty amazing.

But looking back to where I was a year ago. I was emotionally distraught over the fact that I have PCOS, that I couldn't get pregnant, that my house seemingly was never going to come together, that I was living in a home that wasn't truly my own b/c Chris had shared it with someone else for so long, and adjusting to my role as a step parent and exactly WHAT that MEANS. It's amazing to me how much things can change in just 12 short months.

A year ago I wanted a child of my own desperately. It was all I thought about. It kept me up at night. I was so upset with myself b/c I wasn't able to produce a proper egg. lol. Looking back one of the biggest reasons why I wanted my baby so badly was that I wanted someone to call ME mom. That was so important to me. I love my step children but they didn't come from my womb. In a sense I felt robbed. I never got to feel these children I love so much kick in my belly, or hold them as infants, watch them take their first steps, etc... I wanted those experiences. Let me tell you though, one year later I love my step children even more, and it doesn't matter one bit to me that they call me Christy. I know they love me. I know I mean something to them. When Gabe was at the hospital last weekend (more on that later) one of the first questions he asked when he woke up was, "Where's Christy?" and I can't even describe how that made me feel :) I can't imagine that hearing the words mommy would feel any better.

This time last year we were making small improvements to our home but nothing really large scale. I wish I could say we are finished, but we aren't. In the next few months hopefully we will be. However, if you could see a before and after pic of the majority of our house it does look totally different. I'm thankful for my parents and inlaws who have really helped us fix things up.

My role as a step parent? Honestly, I don't see that it's any different from being a parent. I love my kiddos. I'm going to take care of them just as if they belonged to me :) I give 100% to Chris and the kids everyday. I work, go to school, and manage to help Chris hold down the fort. I can't remember the last day I sat on the couch and watched a movie or TV show all the way through. I go full speed from the time my feet hit the floor til I go to sleep at night. Sometimes I feel worn thin, and need a break. Through all of it, I'm working toward a goal. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that I'm setting a good example to my step kids. That when you want a good life you have to work for it. Things in life are not handed to you. In the next couple of years I will graduate with my bachelors in education and we will finally be able to live comfortably :)

The kids are great. Last weekend we celebrated with a big birthday party and trip to the bouncy house place in Fort Oglethorpe (I can't remember what it's called). I really don't think our house has ever been so packed. I don't feel like I'm a very organized party thrower :/ So I guess if you ever come to a party at our house you will just have to make yourself at home b/c I don't know whether I'm coming or going. lol. The day was fantastic until that evening. We came home from Fort O and Mary went to stay with her cousin and the boys were at home with us. After a day of eating and drinking a lot of junk they of course came home and asked for candy.lol. I told them that they had to eat supper before anymore junk food. Usually, Gabe is the first one finished (he is a human vacuum cleaner) but when I walked through the kitchen a few minutes later he was the only one at the table. I thought he had fallen asleep. I shook his shoudler... But when I saw his face I knew that he was having a seizure. I called for Chris and half dragged Gabe into our bedroom. Chris came with the Diastat and we attempted to administer the meds. Gabe usually does so well during this part but this time it was different. I'm still not sure if he was still partially aware of what was going on or if his muscles just reacted differently, but giving the first dosage was almost impossible. Chris even sustained a kick in the face. From there it's just a blur of scary details that I could never forget even if I wanted to. Just a few months ago was the first time I had ever witnessed Gabe having a seizure. It lasted maybe 5 minutes but shook me up pretty bad. By the time the ambulance got there. I can't describe where my mind was. I don't think they make words for that. Maybe numb. I made the mistake of calling my mom on the way to the hospital. I completely lost it. If that phone call had been in a movie that's where someone would have slapped me. Gabe had lost control of his bladder and had vomited during his seizure and I was wearing both messes on me. I hated that Chris couldn't ride in the ambulance with him. We got to the hospital right behind the ambulance. They had gotten the seizure to stop on the way to the hospital ( thank goodness ) so he was knocked out on medication once we got there. All in all... we really don't know anything. We don't know what specifically triggered it. He has had them like this before but the last very bad one he had was before Chris and I got together. They did say that as he hits adolescence they may come more frequently (which I dread). They ended up adjusting some of his medications and told us to completely cut out caffiene. So, thats where we are at. Over all, he was such a good boy in the hospital. Once when his nurses were trying to remove his IV they said, "We are sorry this is hurting you." and Gabe said, "It's ok you're my friend!" I thought the nurses were going to melt :) Also, we only had to stay the one night and I was so thankful he got to come home and rest. The hospital is no fun, especially for kids.

Our spring break trip that we had been looking forward to had to be canceled. However, I called the company we made the reservation through and they sent us a full refund :) We plan on going sometime in the next couple of months :) We did get to go to Gatlinburg for the day on monday, but it snowed and was freezing the entire time! The kids did enjoy the Ripley's Aquarium though and playing at the arcade.

Like I said we don't get much down time around here. So it was back to work and school tuesday. I can honestly say that despite the stress my new life sometimes causes me.... it IS worth it. lol. I may end up with a wrinkly bod and gray hair wayyyy before my time, but as long as Chris will still have me that's ok :)

Then! My best friend started a new chapter in her life :) I'm very proud of her, and excited! I remember the summers we spent together doing the CRAZIEST things and although we may not so cray cray anymore I'm very excited about having her so close this summer :)

And then... My SIL finally had little Charli. Of course, she is GORGEOUS! and will probably be spoiled rotten but thats ok with me cause she always has to go home with mom and dad. Geez, that sounds so weird... my brother is a dad :0    

I wonder where we will all be a year from now?!

say what?! white smoke?!

So apparently everyone on facebook is talking about the new pope, and the white smoke, blah blah...

I thought the first person who referenced white smoke was talking about getting high. lol! I won't say who it was b/c honestly when I saw it I thought "Ha, they would be."

Well, a new pope. That's good.

Moving on, my step-kids are hilarious. We are planning to have them a little b-day bash next weekend. Nothing big. Just some pizza and cake at the park and it will be Dr. Seuss themed :) Then on Sunday we are leaving and going to Pigeon Forge! Yay! We will come back Monday, but I'm very excited that we will get to stay the one night. The kids have never stayed in a hotel before :)

I kinda got side tracked. This is why they are so funny. Yesterday we went to Fort Oglethorpe to pick up Gabe's meds and so I thought we would go by the park too. I stopped at Sonic and got them something to drink and a corndog to munch on for the drive to town. As we were going through the Battlefield I glance in my rear view mirror and Mary is holding up her corndog, which she has bitten 2 eye holes and a mouth in. She then says a line from the movie Shark Tales, "I'm not a loser... I'm a WIENER!"

Seriously it was funny, if for no other reason than it was totally unexpected when I looked at my mirror. Of course when I laughed she took that as an "ok" to say it about 10 more times even after she bit his head off. lol.

Then we get to the park and Gabe attempts to tell all the little kids that it's a dangerous play ground and to not walk it the puddles :) Ethan was wearing his trusty rainboots so he didn't heed Gabe's warning. Then Joey used his fingers to draw a road in the middle of the sandy walking track. It was a very nice picture (he's going to be an artist). Everything was cool til the mom with a stroller started heading his direction. He just stayed quiet and watched her til she passed him. Joey had drawn a "Roads closed" sign and the mom was fast approaching it. He started chasing her and saying "No! Wait! The roads closed!" lol. It would have been better had the mother played along, but most people don't know how to Gabe and Joey in. That's ok most of the time though b/c they think those people have the problem, not them. I hope it stays that way.

The only damper of the day was while I was pushing Joey in the swing he kept yelling "Ninja!" over and over and over and over, and this mom was just STARRING at him.

Didn't her mother ever tell her it's not nice to stare? I don't think it's me being over self conscious either. She was definitely starring. How annoying.

School is school, but I'm ok with that :) I'll have to take 3 summer classes and a full load this fall and then I'll be *IN* the program. Woo hoo! Right now I'm making 3 A's and one C. The C is in my Art Appreciation class. Soooo thought it was going to be a breeze course. I was wrong.

Friends are great, just wish I had more time to spend with them. Especially my BFF Rach and my bug Haddie Jo :)

Family is great too, SIL will be having that baby in just a few weeks (if she makes it that long) and I can't wait!!!!!!!! I love that new baby smell, much better than new car smell. lol.

OOO! and my DIY has taken off :) I've always LOVED making things and for right now I'm taking full advantage of people wanting to purchase my creations. I pretty much live at the new Michael's in Fort Oglethorpe. You have no idea.... :/  

and 1/4 of our living room is devoted to my craft supplies. One day ::insert dreamy face:: I'm going to have a big, old, beautiful house with a big room just for my crafts. Chris can have a gamers paradise and I'll have a craft cave. lol.

I need to snap out of it and finish some laundry before the hubby gets home! Kid free night, oh what will we do?!