Patience is a virtue

It's been awhile since I've written anything, but to tell you the truth I have either been so busy I don't have time to blog or I feel like I don't have anything very interesting to write about :/

School is officially finished for the year and it's summer break. YAY! I am really excited right now, but I know in about 5/6 weeks I'll be begging for September 4th to get here. So far we have pretty much a full agenda. Florida at the end of June and I couldn't be more ready to see the ocean and chillax on the lake. Bring on the margaritas!!! Plus Chris and I are forcing ourselves to finally do something about fixing up the house. It's needed to be done but we have pushed it back again and again. Not anymore!

Still finding ways to pinch pennies here and there. I finally got my clothes line abut a week ago. Honestly, Chris has hung out more clothes than I have at this point but it seems to be working wonderfully. One day last week it was super hot and sunny and a load of clothes dried in less than an hour! Today I also made my first batch ever of home made butter! I still haven't tried it yet, but how can you mess it up really?

Last week I went to the doctor with Rachel and I found out the sex of her baby on the way. We had a Gender Reveal Party today and I thought it was a success :) Lots of good food (ate so much thought I was going to barf) and I made PINK filled cupcakes for her and Ed since they are having a baby girl :)

I haven't told anyone but Chris this but when I first found out Rachel was pregnant it was hard for me to be happy for her... I admit that I was completely jealous. I didn't like feeling that way but I did. I had to force the excitement when we would talk about the pregnancy... It was hard. Really I don't know what made things change but I have decided not to stress about ME. In a way I've let it all go. I realize that my time will come when it's the right time and to be honest... now is not the best time. Chris and I still have a lot we need to do before we are ready to take on an infant. I realized that not only was I stressing myself out over getting pregnant I was stressing myself out over whether or not we could handle having a baby at this point anyways. Am I ready to take care of 4 kids, wake up with a baby at night, have a baby that is completely dependent on me for EVERYTHING, and stay out of work for an extended period of time? and the answer is no.

In a perfect world Chris and I would be the Duggars (not really lol). Some people can be baby factories and not think about the responsibilities they have in the present. Thats cool too. Whatever floats your boat. Me? I can't do that.

So I came to the realization that right now and in the near future I'm going to have to be happy with what I have. And what I have is amazing :) and my best friend is going to have a baby! and I am SOOOOO very happy for her and Ed. When I saw that sweet little profile on the ultrasound machine it brought tears to my eyes. Hadley is a REAL human being. I know she is going to be beautiful and the sweetest little ballerina. And I mean it 100% when I say I couldn't be happier.

I'm not going back on BC so if it happens it happens and maybe in a year or so if it hasn't happened I'll look into more drastic measures. It's not that I've changed my mind, but I was really thinking that 6+1 would be a field of daisies with cotton candy clouds, but it's not about ME, it's about US. And, who is more in tune with reality but myself? lol. I got caught up in my fairytale for a few months but now I've smelled the coffee and woke up. Will we have a baby? yes. Anytime soon? Probably not.

Patience, my friends, patience.