Year in Review!

I have Mimosa running through my veins and the kids are running around like wild Indians, so we will see how this turns out. Infact, Mary and Pressley are arguing behind me right now over a game they made up..... drama queens! lol.

So here's what I'm going to do: Post pictures from 2012 in no particular order and re-live the fab moments of 2012!!!

 

 

I loved having these pictures made for Mothers Day 2012 :) Don't we look beautiful?!

 

 

Mary started taking ballet at The Tempo dance studio! This was taken after the first recital (she is as far left). "Here comes Suzie Snowflake! Tap tap tapping on the window pane!"

 

 

 

Also, we had a great b-day partay for the kids in March :) Since all the b-days fall in the month of March we decided to go with one big party for them all. Infact, they each had their own birthday cake made by my MIL and it was delish! My saving grace Tessa Shields took the b-day photos THANK GOD!!!

 

 

 

My bestie, Rachel, found out she was with child! The Little Hadlett was soon to come!(She will KILL me for posting this)

 

And, another woman who was first a respected teacher and then later a dear BELOVED friend passed away. I don't know where my beliefs lay but I like to think she is in heaven, whatever her heaven is :) I know that I think about her often, almost everyday. That smile. It gets me every time :) If I am ever half the woman she was I'll be happy with that.

 

 

Mary grew her bangs out and then decided she didn't want them long. Typical woman. lol.

 





We spent a summer by the pool and for some reason a pic of Joey at the Fall Festival uploaded too.... Eh well!

 

Gabe and the kids loved going to the Creative Discovery Museum :) We bought a membership and it was well worth it!

 

 

Ethan just called me a barf sack....

 

 

 

Mary checking out Ethans Christmas gift of The Magic Set :) Abra Cadabra!!!!

 

Joey doing chores! oh yea!!!

 

My first ever leech bite that I sustained in Florida on vacay!!! It was really creepy and it bled forever. gross. sick.

 

My amazingly attractive husband ;) lake deep in Florida!

 

The kids first ever trip to Rock City :)

 

Back to a vacay pic! ( I said I wasn't going in order!) Have I mentioned that I love these kids? :)

 

Eating @ RJ Gators in Florida :) I think this is definitely becoming a tradition :) Ok, now I'm craving the coconut shrimp... guess I'll have to wait another 6  months :(

 

Grandpa Pack and Gabe @ pizza hut after a few games of bowling :) I love that the kids love my dad. As my dads health gets worse I love (even more) the times we get to spend together and how much the kids brighten his day!

 

My moms butt during the Christmas get together! bahahahahaha!!!

 

My sweet Batman getting older every day. This ball of fur has been with me since I graduated high school. Love him!

 

 

Another pic of the gang. In a way it seems like yesterday and in other ways it seems like such a long time ago. I love these girls!

 

To end the blog. This is where Chris and I stayed for our 1 year anniversary :) It was in the middle of no where, but relaxation was exactly what we needed. Our year was full of ups and downs. Chris had 2 heart surgeries in less than 2 months. Gabe went from a 10 to a 16 during the summer and now has body odor. Joey adopted the term "Tomorrow?" and "Later?" which sometimes drives me nuts. lol. Ethan received an award for creativity, which suits him to a tee. Boys joined boy scouts. Mary started ballet. I went from working at logans to packing boxes at Amazon and have decided to tackle college head on and finish my degree :) I'm sure that 2013 will contain ups and downs also, but I know with Chris and the kids, EVERY second will be worth it! Well, I've lost my buzz. Time for another drink!!!!

























 

 

 







A very merry Gilbert Christmas :)

So, another Christmas has come and gone! This was my 3rd Christmas being part of the family scene, and it was fabulous.

I didn't really get into the Christmas spirit until Christmas Eve. lol. I have just been so exhausted from working so many hours and 3rd shift, holiday cheer was the last thing I was feeling.

This is me and my new cookware which was much needed!

Last Saturday we all loaded up and went to my parents to celebrate Christmas a little early. We had all kinds of good stuff to eat. My fave being the cheese ball. yummmm. I had to work which I was super bummed about :( but we went early and Chris and the kiddos stayed a little while longer after I left. The kids all got toys and clothes from Nana and Poppy, Aunt Crystal and Uncle Justin, and Aunt Ashley.

Christmas Eve the ball really got rolling. All the gifts were wrapped and it was time for some fun with the kids! I have really missed them lately, not being at home as much has been hard on everyone, so I had some fun things planned for us. The night before I made lumps of coal :)

Pictured here is a plate of popcorn, Christmas tree sugar cone, and lump of coal :) yum!

 

 

Before I go into our night of festivities I must tell you that I had to make a quick trip to the Dollar General to get batteries for Christmas morning. When I came home I was washing up some dishes and Ethan says, "Christy, do you know you have a hole in your pants?" No, I did not.... Turns out I have a GAPING hole in the back side of my pants. You can see my underwear.... I went to the store like this.... HOW EMBARRASSING!!!!!

 

Anyways, later in the evening we had a smoked turkey for dinner on our new Christmas china (love it!) and then we decorated the sugar cones as trees :) We all sat together and ate our snacks and watched How The Grinch Stole Christmas and drank Grinch Punch :) AAAhhh Memories! While Gabe was eating his "tree" Ethan said, "Eh! It looks like he's smoking a cone!" I don't know where they get the things they say! Then I took this pic :)

 

 

Joey had an excellent day but was really just impatient for my fireplace pic I HAD to have lol. "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch!"

 

Then I read the kids the book "The Night Before Christmas" before they went to bed. I had to stop several times during the book to explain what things meant like "tarnished with ashes and soot". Also, Mary wanted to write Santa a note to go with his plate of goodies. The letter requested MORE presents. She only counted 6 under the tree and needed more :/

 

I explained to her that it was ok to ask for more presents but that some little boys and girls would not even get 6 presents for Christmas and she should be thankful for anything that she received. She just kinda brushed me off and wrote her letter without adding anything about Santa maybe taking toys to boys and girls who wouldn't get any. She's a good kid and has a sweet heart, but very soon I plan on the 2 of us spending some extra time doing something nice for someone in need. I want her to KNOW how good they realllly do have it.

 

Then off to bed they went and Chris and I stayed up to see if we could get a glimpse at Santa :) Old Man, must have come after we fell asleep. We never did hear him. I woke up at 5:30  and tried to go back to sleep but it was useless so I got up and made some coffee and waited a little while longer. We finally woke the kids up b/c they weren't getting up on their own. lol. Santa brought the kids a new trampoline!!!! and Chris and I got them an Air Hockey table among other things. One thing I did very well this year was buy things and put them up in the closet during the year. I recommend doing this, especially if you have kids :) It was a life saver for us. Also, used toys. Some people may be against this but I swear you can find new or like new toys and clothes at consignment sales, thrift stores, and yard sales. The best part is KIDS DONT CARE!!!!

 

Of all the toys Gabe got this by far was his fave. Black slime in what he calls a "poison" can. At one point in the morning he emerged from his bedroom with his torso covered in the goo. even in his armpits!



 

Later that morning we went to my in-laws for Christmas Breakfast :) YUM. Then we opened gifts there. Every year somebody gets the wrapped wrapped wrapped wrapped gift, meaning the gift is wrapped God knows how many times. It starts in a huge box and ends up being able to fit in your hand. lol. As you get to each layer everyone laughs, it really is funny though, even if you are on the receiving end. This year was my turn! It started out in a huge box and then I uncovered layer after layer until I got to a few small wrapped gifts. They were sewing accessories to go with my new sewing machine!!!! yay!!!!

 

The kids mom came a little after noon to pick them up. We share holidays. It sucks.

 

This is a cheesy classic made even sweeter by my mothers tacky Christmas sweater :)

Chris and I took a little nap and then woke up and got ready to go to my uncles for Christmas dinner. It was delish. My uncle Pat makes these baked beans in a crock pot covered with strips of bacon. OMG. I have been eating them since yesterday ;) hehehe...

 

Overall this Christmas gets a 10! I got new plates, cook ware, sewing machine, 50 shades of grey, and Gone with the Wind :) However, even if all I had received was a hug and Merry Christmas it still would have been great. The older I get the more I just LOVE being with family. Later in the month my dad will be coming to stay for a late Christmas. I'm keeping all my decor up til he comes so it will be just like Christmas :) The kids can't wait for funny Grandpa Pack to come! Well Feliz Navidad suckers, I'm going to go eat some left overs!!!

AMAZON

I'm exhausted. Who knew packing boxes would be so hard on the body? I honestly didn't think it would be. I was wrong. lol.

Today is my 2nd day off after working 40 hours in 4 days. When I left Logans I was working about 30 hours a week. It goes without saying that this has been an adjustment. Actually, I have to say that working at Amazon isn't a dream :/

.... maybe a bad dream.

It's not a difficult job as far as brain power goes, and that's obvious when you look at some of the people that work there. Infact, people haven't been that welcoming. By the 2nd night I was expected to pretty much be able to stand on my own two feet (which for the most part I was able to) but when I did have a question a smile wasn't that forth coming. Maybe I'm just being a pansy, but I like being social and running my mouth. At Amazon I have my little work space, it's loud, and people are tired, and nobody talks to me. The new hires don't really talk to anyone, myself included, the few times I've tried to make jokes they don't laugh. I'm telling myself they just don't have a fab sense of humor like I do :) The only thing people seem to think is funny is that my last name is Pack (still haven't changed it through ss *long story*) and I'm in PACKing. After hearing that joke a few times I'm over it.

Working 3rd shift has also been an adjust for the entire house hold. I feel guilty for not being at home, even though I am working for them. This past weekend I slept all day only to have a couple of groggy hours with the kids before I had to leave and do it all over again :( Plus, Chris is having to do pretty much all the house work, home work, baths, laundry, etc.... Also, not sleeping with Chris has been hard :( Besides the sunlight streaming through the bedroom window not hearing his snore (lol) makes it difficult to sleep peacefully.

The upside: I'm already meeting the required rate that I'm not expected to reach until the 4th week. The last night I worked I was at 144% (they didn't know they hired a bada**). So, they aren't breathing down my neck atleast. Plus, I'll be glad for payday. I took the job for the money and b/c I knew that OT was going to be worth it :) I'm not quiting.

1) I'm not a quitter.
2) I have responsibilities.

So, I'm toughing it out. Hopefully, my body will start adjusting to the night shift and the soreness will go away. We are on 50 hours this coming week and possibly 60. I've never worked so much in my life. I used to think that to be a well-rounded person you should have atleast one job in the service industry (like serving). I still hold true to that belief, but now I'm adding working in a warehouse. lol. Also, even though I just started working in a warehouse I can already say 100% that I love and appreciate my husband even more than I did before. I had no idea how hard he worked and how exhausted he must be until I started at Amazon. He comes home from working OT and still manages to help ME out. I feel like I'm good for nothing b/c when I get home it's hard to feed myself. lol. much less do housework.

Lastly, people are crazy. By this I mean people who order from Amazon. lol. To each their own , but I would never have thought I would pack so many dildos and male enhancement pills... WITH childrens books and toys.... I even packed an inflatable beer belly (hot ticket item this Christmas!). Powdered peanut butter *just add water and stir*. Shaved fish, freeze dried, from Japan. You name it. I think I've seen it.

Well, that's it for now. I'm going to soak up my last day off before heading back in. I'm already dreading it.

Thanksgiving.

Well, first off I just want to say.

I can't breathe through my nose :( A few days ago it started as just a little tickle and since then has developed into a MONSTER. I go back to work tomorrow (on Black Friday) I hope I survive.

Other than my Thanksgiving cold, the holiday has been fabulous :)

My dad came Tuesday night and after a few hours of playing with the kids a mysterious white garbage bag appeared under the Christmas tree... (my dad got super creative with that one lol)

He said Santa must have made a pre-christmas stop b/c they have been so good. Really, the kids didn't care they were already digging through the bag. There was a few little toys and a connect four game which has been really entertaining for them. Chris and I also got a wall clock from Santa. I hadn't realized until my dads last visit that Chis and I didn't have a wall clock anywhere in the house. We always use our cell phones :/ Turns out the kids LOVE being able to tell the time. lol.

Chris cooked a ham and a turkey Wednesday and I made the fixins: mashed potatoes, corn, shells and cheese, stuffing, cranberry sauce, green beans, sweet potato casserole, and crescent rolls. It all turned out amazing and this year I didn't burn the sweet potato casserole :)

The kids had so much fun showing Grandpa Pack the Christmas tree and all the decorations we have put up so far. I'm not finished yet though! You know me.. I'm Penny Pinching Polly, so I have of course gotten all the decorations from the dollar store, thrift stores, or the kids and I have made them ourselves :) I even used a coupon to get the Christmas tree! Judge me if you want. I love being frugal!

Speaking of frugal... Mary had requested a Furby on her Christmas list. I did a quick search on Amazon and saw that they were going for a pretty penny and went ahead and put a red "X" over that one. Not on her list but in my mind :) So, anyways last week we stopped by the Goodwill in Lafayette to look at some Christmas decor and I was letting the kids look at the toys but I told them since it is so close to Christmas there would be no toy buying. Well, whada know, there sits a FURBY in the ORIGINAL BOX. Mary is begging and pleading for me to get this Furby. It's all she's ever wanted. She will never ask for anything else as long as she lives. lol. I am the queen of restraint and said no, but while her back was turned I grabbed it and took it up front and payed for it :) it was 2.99! I figure if it works I just scored the deal of the year, and if it doesn't I'm only out 3 bucks. Do not under any circumstances mention this to Mary if she is around. You will ruin it.

And today was Thanksgiving and we got off to a great start :) met my Aunt Kathy this morning with dad before he headed back home. Then the kids, Chris, and I went to my moms for Thanksgiving dinner :) We were packed in there like sardines but I love being with my (extremely loud) family. Poor little London, even in her unborn state, was terrified to move so I could feel. I suppose this is something she will have to get used to. As I sit here tonight, I really want to have a baby. lol. Who knows what this next year will hold? Maybe, I will have to be content with spoiling my newest niece :)

Onward to Christmas! I'm very excited and it will be here and over before we know it and a new year begins... Where has the time gone? The kids are getting so big and smarter every day... It makes me nostalgic but proud. Sometimes I try to picture how they will be as adults and what they are going to do with their lives... this must be the tryptophan talking...

And to end this blog, an actual conversation between Ethan and Grandpa Pack:
Ethan- When you go to heaven one day who is going to get your cane?
My dad- Well, I haven't really thought much about that. I hope I wont go to heaven for a while longer.
Ethan- Well, I was just thinking one day when I get older I might have a bad leg and need a good cane.
My dad- That's true. I'll keep you in mind.

I love that my dad is getting to spend this time with the kids :) They brighten his day so much and seeing them together warms my heart :)

Well deserved *me* time.

Well, the year is winding down and in a way I wish I could say that my to-do list is.... but as most mothers and wives know it NEVER does. lol.

One thing that I have told my self lately that I must do, is to start finding someway to do something for myself. I spend every waking moment doing for Chris and the kids, or working. My first year of marriage has been a blessing, but one lesson I have learned is that I can't do EVERYTHING.

I am a control freak. I like doing things my way. I'm having to do a better job at letting this go (for my sanity).

Number one on the list is taking better care of myself :) I have started a diet. I downloaded My Fitness Pal on my phone and so far it has been wonderful. I know why I have never counted calories before... b/c after 200-300 I lose count. MFP keeps up with it for me and it also has a large data base of restaurant foods and grocery foods that I can quickly look up. I recommend the app.. It's been a life saver :) So far I have lost 5 pounds. I have always been impatient with weight loss , but this time I am determined to do it the healthy way. So, if that means I lose it slowly, that's fine, as long as I keep it off :)

I went for a walk a couple of days ago and I was really surprised at how out of shape I am. I guess I just assumed that b/c I work on my feet I was in decent shape.... no I'm not. lol. Just walking for 45 minutes was a workout. I've got some improving to do there.

Number two, hopefully I will be returning to school in January. It will all come down to the financial aid. I'm excited and nervous, but I know it will be worth it. I want to do it for me, but also for my family. We deserve some financial stability :)

Also, a little update on my downstairs... I seem to have had two cycles in the past two months. I'm hoping that somehow (maybe the weight loss?) my body is finally getting its hormones leveled out. It would be great :) Right now it is the 29th day of my cycle and for 2 days now I have been cramping... so I'm hoping that Aunt Flo is about to show up. If this is TMI for you, pretend you didn't read it.

Besides Aunt Flo deciding to show up at random my Baby Fever has reared its nasty head again :/
I blame Rachel and my SIL Alicia (who just found out she is having a bebe girl). I just want to have a sweet smelling little bundle of joy to hold... I want a boy b/c they are less drama, but I want a girl to dress up. Eh, well if it's meant to be then it will happen (but that's a hard pill to swallow...).

Tonight was one of the few nights here lately that the kids and I just got to chill. After I cleaned the house up a bit we just relaxed. It was so nice not having to hustle to get homework, baths, and supper done. Or worry about dance practice or cub scouts. I wanted the kids to be involved in something besides just going to school, but MAN I didn't think about how much EXTRA work I was adding to myself. lol.

Well, I'm going to wrap this up :) Can't wait for girls night monday with Rachel :) BD part DEUX!

a quick update on gilbert happenings!

So, I decided I would jot down a few lines before going to bed. I've taken a sleep aid so don't judge me if my typing gets a little slurred as I  go on. lol.

Well, in case you didn't know I had applied for a job with Walker county family and children services. It was something I was really keeping my fingers crossed for. It would have been flexible for my schedule and would have been a steady income which my family desperately needs. Unfortunately, it didn't work out.

:(

Since that didn't pan out for me I have decided to go back to school :) it's something that I have been wanting to do for some time now but for different reasons have been putting it off. No more shenanigans though! I'm going to go hard and get it done. Hopefully, I will be able to go back in January as long as I can get the right financial aid (fingers crossed!). I'm both scared and excited :/

The kids are also doing fabulous :) My dad was able to come stay with us a few days for Halloween and the kids LOVED having him here. Honestly, I think they almost killed him within that short period of time. Grandpa! Grandpa! For once they weren't shouting my name every few minutes. lol.

Last weekend we had our annual family photos made :) Maybe you have seen them on Facebook? They turned out great! Better than I thought actually. It was soooo soooo very  cold that day, and the kids were pretty miserable. Poor Joey is skin and bones as it is, poor fella.

I'm getting reallllly sleepy.....

One more thing! I have started a diet, and so far I have lost 5 pounds :) I'm very excited about it. I've been using my fitness pal for 2 weeks and have steadily been dropping weight, and the best part is I don't have to deny myself anything! I can have a candy bar if I want it, I just have to remember that it is going against my calories. Next week I want to start going walking a few days a week :) I also want to start hiking some. I haven't been hiking in years, but it's something I miss.

Any who, I need  to be getting off here. Update soon!

in sickness and in health

Well we are half way through the month and I find myself asking where has the past month went?

So here is an update on Chris:

He had the ablation on Sept. 28th. Things seemed to have gone well the only negative being that when they pulled on the catheters he got a hematoma. So, when he started to heal he had a HUGE nasty colored bruise on his thigh. He went back to work on Monday and on Wednesday he had yet ANOTHER episode of rapid heart beat. They told us that there was a 95% chance he would never have issues again and just 5 days after surgery the same problem comes back and this time it's worse! Saturday we went to the emergency room only to be told he would have to follow up with his cardiologist and sent on our way. Monday he went to the cardiologist to pick up an event heart monitor. He was told to wear it at all times except when sleeping or bathing. The monitor held up to 5 recordings. Tuesday he worked almost all day with his heart going crazy, all the while recording every episode with the monitor. At the end of the work day he finally went to the nurses station and they had to call an ambulance for him. Second ambulance ride in a month! My husband is 34 this should not be happening! This time we went to Memorial and they also said that he would have to follow up with the cardiologist but they would prescribe him a beta blocker to hold him over (hopefully) until he could see them. Chris wanted to return to work the following morning (Wednesday) but on the way to work... you guessed it...his heart goes into super speed mode. So we decided to just go see the cardiologist that day. When we got there they printed off what the monitor had recorded and Tuesday his heart rate had been 270+. That's when they told us that they would have to admit him. If that were to happen again he needed to be somewhere that they could take care of him, and another ablation was scheduled for Thursday morning. The 2nd ablation was performed Thursday morning and he actually did much better with this one than the first. Very little bruising and so far he feels just fine. After the 1st one not going well and the SVT coming back I'm holding my breath and knocking on wood that the 3rd time will never be the charm.

On top of Chris' health issues a very dear friend of mine is losing the fight against cancer. Holly and Chris have taken up every inch of my mind the past several weeks. I literally feel like I've been functioning in what Gabe likes to call a foggy fog. I go to sleep at night but don't really sleep and I wake up but I feel like I'm  not really awake. I'm exhausted and I'm stressed out. Chris and I are struggling financially to keep our heads above water with him missing so much work. And not that our kids are spoiled but I hate telling them we don't have enough money for little things at school, etc. Plus, Mary asked me today if Daddy was going to be sick on Halloween and if he was who would take them trick or treating :( They have worried too. Bless their buttons. I feel like I'm stretched as thin as I can go. At any moment I may explode and start ripping heads off. The past couple of days when I find myself thinking about Holly I have to start thinking of something else b/c just the thought of all the pain she is going through and what her children must be feeling and her devoted husband who I have grown to admire so much.... I feel like my heart is being twisted into knots...Why? Why does she have to endure this? Why do her children have to watch her die? People say it's what the Lord planned but I don't GET that. I'll be the first to admit that I question my faith and this why.

While Chris was in the hospital I thought for a brief moment what my life would be like without him and the truth is... I wouldn't be me anymore. He is literally my other half. Thinking about living the rest of my life and not having him to share it with is unbearable. Hollys' husband Chris is an amazing man. I don't know how he has stayed so strong. He hasn't just stayed strong for Holly but for her kids and his kids and their shared family and friends. Saying I admire their commitment to their marriage is an understatement.

Besides the kids the only ray of sunshine here lately has been that my best friend is being induced tomorrow night :) I have already warned her that I've been a basket case lately so don't be alarmed if I cry more at the birth than anyone else. I can't wait to hold that sweet little ball of baby :)

I can't quit crying!

Going under the knife. A craft show. And crazy kids :)

So, all has went well for Chris' surgery :)

We were supposed to be at the hospital Friday morning at 8, but the night before they called and said they needed us to come in later at 2. Well then about 11 on Friday they called again and said they had a cancellation and wanted us to be there at 12 :/

So we hauled butt to get to the hospital and were a few minutes late. After all the pre-knife stuff it was after 2 before they wheeled him away. It didn't seem like he was really going to have heart surgery, he still looked like himself. They said they would call before they began and about half way through. Well, an hour and a half went by with no phone call so I had a nurse call them. They said everything was going ok and they had found one tachycardia and were making sure that there were no more. Another hour or so passed and he was on his way back to the room. This time was scarier. He came in and he had a dozen wires hooked up to him and tubes and I was scared :( but when the doctor came in he told us that there was a 95% chance that he wouldn't have anymore issues :) Thank goodness!

I know one thing I will never miss is the hospital recliner :/ It was possibly the worst night of sleep in my life.

Craft show this weekend!!! I'm getting super excited :) I have been busting my butt this past week making my goodies and getting things together. I will have several different things:

Chalk board plaques

Country wine glasses

Book page medallions

Christmas wreaths

Hair bow holders

... and a few other things including some very unique items :)

After the show on Saturday I'm going to start a Facebook page to sell my handmade items :)

Honestly, I think I have the funniest kids ever. They make me laugh everyday even if I'm in a rotten mood. Here are some funny things the kids have said today:

Gabe: (While using the potty) "It's white Christy! Not yellow!" (talking about his pee. lol.)

Mary reminded me *6* times to pack her lunch for tomorrow. Also, she almost cried at dinner b/c I made her eat her broccoli. *drama queen*

Ethan told me he was going to do 20 chores for a $1 a chore. He ended up doing 4 chores, including cleaning the toilet and scooping out the cat box :)

And last but not least... When I asked Joey what he wanted to be for Halloween he said, "A black eyed pea!"

Gotta love 'em.

Busy and sappy times.

So, Chris and I had yet another busy weekend. This past weekend my cousins wedding was on the agenda. We also got to keep the kids again this weekend :) I really do love having the kiddos around and I was upset that I had to work all weekend except for the wedding day.

Saturday was the wedding and it ended up being a beautiful day. I must say that College Grove TN is a beautiful community. Honestly, it reminded me a little of Rockspring. On the way there we stopped in South Pittsburg to get something to drink at a gas station. Walked in and while I was scanning the drink section a woman came up to me and said, "Oh honey let me pull that down for you!". Just so happens that my skirt was up ALL THE WAY due to some static cling and my girdle was showing :/

Got to the church and it was adorable. One of those ole timey churchs that is small and has the stained glass windows and undeniable charm. The ceremony was beautiful along with the bride :) My favorite part was when the bride and groom (my cousin) put their heads together to pray. It was like time stood still for them and they were just held in that moment and we, the guests, weren't even there. Ceremony was followed by family pics. It's so nice when family can get together like that. It has been YEARS since we have all been together at the same time. Really, it's a shame we don't get together like we used to, but people grow up and get in the grind of life. I know how it is. lol.

The reception was  next and it was also very nice. I loved the cookie bar with the white and choc milk in shot glasses. Cute idea! Also, the prime rib was the bomb.

Chris and I left early so we could head home to get the kids and thankfully no more girdle showing happened.

Going to weddings the past 2 weekends reminds me of my own wedding day. Yes, Chris and I chose at the last minute to do a very private impromptu ceremony, but I wouldn't change that at all. Whether you have 6 guests or 100 a happily married couple does not remember the bells and whistles or the guest list they remember how they felt saying their vows to the one they love. I never would have thought that being married would be such an adventure and full of so much love and friendship :) With all of Chris' health issues the past few weeks I have really been looking at things differently. Each of us are living in the here and now and not promised tomorrow. I try to cherish every moment I have with the kids and Chris.

Look at the children while they are sleeping and think about how they will look in 20 years.

Feel how small their hands are when they are holding mine.

Save even the scribble art they make.

Save the roses that chris buys me. I still have roses from the very first bouquet :)

Listening to him snore at night (strangely) is like a lullaby.

Even after all this time he can still give me butterflies because he is so sweet :)

I'm feeling very sappy today. lol. I may start crying.

But seriously sometimes we get in such a rush we don't stop to smell the roses. I'm guilty of it too.

Thank you.

Today Chris went back to the cardiologist and the verdict is surgery.

I was scared to death at first and then he explained to me that it really wasn't going to be a big procedure. They will go in through his belly button and they will find the problem nerve and remove it. Voila! (I'm still kinda scared) They said he will have to stay over night but as long as things are good the next day he will be able to leave. Also, the surgery will be on my birthday... so looks like we will be partying Parkridge style :)

I got to thinking today how lucky we are. These past couple of weeks have been hard; emotionally and financially. Chris still has yet to receive any short term disability benefits, but we have managed thanks to wonderful family and friends :) Just today I met my sister and she had an entire trunk full of groceries for us that 2 women at her church had wanted to give us, and last week a good friend of mine gave me a huge bag of clothes for Mary. I really don't know what we would do if it weren't for people like them helping us out. I've always been very proud but I suppose as you get older you realize that there is no shame in taking a helping hand when you truly NEED it.

Finally met some of Chris' friends this weekend at a wedding :) What can I say??.... I've never seen so many men in their 30's wearing converse. Really though, they were all very awesome. It was like I could picture them in their teens being nerdy and playing video games and listening to music.... I don't listen to... haha :) Chris doesn't see enough of them. We will have to plan a get-together very soon. I told Chris as we were leaving I thought it was great that he had such a large group of close friends. I have a few I keep near and dear but not half as many as him.

Our dryer squeaks. It has completely distracted me. Tax time = new dryer.

Well, I'm going to leave you now but I will be back soon!

Crazy busy summer = no blog for a longggg time.

I"m back! lol.

Really, it probably would have been even longer before my return, but this past Friday Rachel and I went to the Ringgold high school football game and ran into Olivia Crawford (can not remember her married name) who said she enjoyed reading Rachels blog and then I thought "Wow!" I have been leaving my fans hanging for most of the summer. By the way, high school football games... bittersweetness :/ It always makes me sad to watch the half time show and see the girls warming up and dancing in the stands... AAAAHHH! My glory days!!! (lol) On another note though, I feel like I am getting old. My birthday is less than a month away and I will be 25. Twenty-five!!!!! I remember being a teen and thinking 25 was old. eeehhhh....

So, to catch everyone up on the home life:

I still love Chris. 11/11 it will be 1 year :)
Gabe has grown 4 sizes over the summer... seriously.
The kids have had a fab summer in my opinion. Florida. Ruby falls. Rockcity. CDM....
I have been hitting crafts realllly hard lately (you may have seen some pics on FB)
I'm in the process of getting things together to do a craft show in October :)
SCHOOL STARTS TUESDAY!!!
And... Chris is at home for 2 weeks b/c he had a heart episode at work :( He is going to be just fine. but we are waiting on him to see a cardiologist (sept 10) Apparently, 240 beats per minute isn't normal...    :/

Also, our house is coming together quite nicely :) I had my first get together at the house a couple of weeks ago and it was great. We still have the kitchen and the boys bedrooms to finish. Hopefully with the kids back in school we can tackle it.

Hadley is almost finished baking, and I'm getting so excited for Rachel and Ed. I want her to be a little rolly poley. Rachel is bigger every time I see her so I think I may get my wish. lol.

UGH. It's 10:45 and I have to leave here in 15 minutes to go to work :/

OH WELL!

Logans.... Actually I'm in a good mood right now about that place. I made some good money yesterday. It couldn't have came at a better time considering Chris' work situation.

I really should be wrapping things up, so I will do a better job at keeping you up to date and catch you later!

Vacay 2012

A play by play of the day by day:

Friday- We got kind of a late start. I spent all day packing and doing last minute laundry. I even tried to take a nap, but shut eye was not forth coming. Chris got home about 5 and we got busy loading my parents van. On our way to pick up the kids I remembered I forgot my ankle bracelet, seems trivial but I really wanted to take it, so we went back home to get it. Then we had to go pick Gabe's meds up from the pharmacy. Stopped to get something to eat for dinner and we were FINALLY on the interstate by 9 or a little after. Chris drove til we got through Atlanta and then I took over and drove til we were across the Florida line. Chris drove the last leg of the journey and we got to Pawpaw Sam's around 6 in the morning. Of course the kids were super excited and immediately wanted to go go go, but Chris and I HAD to take a nap.

Saturday- We woke up from the nap and Chris and I got the kids ready to go out for breakfast. Went to Cracker Barrel and really the only thing eventful that happened there was Gabe stood up to announce that he farted (loudly). We stayed with Chris' Pawpaw Sam. He lives right on Lake Wier. It's beautiful, he has brought in sand over the years and has a great setup right on the lake. Honestly, the kids have just as much fun there as they do at the ocean :) And we stay in a seperate little house he has for family or friends when they come to visit. So anyways I go to the store. Where we are staying also happens to be the largest retirement community in the country. They call it The Villages. The Villages is an old persons dream come true, I mean they even have stickers on their cars that say The Villages is where they came to croak. lol. They have their own radio station, happy hour (best margarita ever), tv station, ZIP CODE!!! They even have seperate lanes on the roads for golf carts and the Wal-mart even has a seperate parking for golf carts. No joke! So anyways I go to get groceries and it was so stressful b/c every isle I went down I had to dodge someone in a hoveround, and it was sooooo crowded. Anyways finally got back to the house and got to relax on the lake myself and we pretty much were beach bums for the rest of the day :) When the sun set we went out on the dock and ate some water melon. It was beautiful :) The only  thing that could have made it better was if the wind wasn't blowing so hard that every time you took a bite of your watermelon the wind didn't spray the juice everywhere. lol.

Sunday- It was so nice not to have to set an alarm clock and just sleep in til... 9. lol. Ate breakfast and went down to the lake. Chris' sister, mom, niece with son, and little niece were on their way down as well and the kids were axniously waiting on their arrival. Around lunch time they finally got there and the real fun began. lol. To be honest we didn't do a whole lot Sunday except lay on the lake. This is the day I got my first layer of burn. My legs mainly while I floated out on the lake, my thighs were a nice shade of hot pink by the end of the day.

Monday- Ocean day. Last year we went to an Atlantic beach but Chris' sister Carrie suggested we go to a Gulf beach since the water and sand is much cleaner and clearer, and the rip tide not near as bad. So we decided to drive to Clear Water, a 2 and a half hour drive. We made great time and the traffic wasn't bad at all til we got on the strip. The beach was crowded but not too bad and we ended up having a great time, it was definitely worth the extra time driving. The water was much clearer and the sand was softer and more shells on the beach. The kids fed seagulls and got chased and fun was had by all :) we left around 4 and no one thought about the rush hour traffic in Tampa :( Pressley our youngest niece (6) had decided to ride back with us and while we were stuck in bumper to bumper traffic had a melt down and wanted to ride with her momma. Then Ethan is doing the pee-pee dance and near tears him self b/c his bladder is at max capacity. We are at the part of the interstate when all the by-passes and various interstates are criss-crossing each other and there is NO WHERE to go. So we had to push our way to the concrete wall in the middle of the interstate where Ethan opened the van door and pee-d then picked up a Pontiac car hood emblem which Chris made him put down. Finally we get out of the traffic and stopped for a happy meal and everyone is happy and no more tears were shed.

Tuesday- more lake and sun and relaxing and then in the evening Carrie (SIL) and niece Kayte babysat so Chris and I could go out to a romantic dinner :) We went to an italian place in The Villages called Red Sauce and it was delish. Very fancy. Then we got an ice cream and walked around the lake and the town square. They had some vendors set up in the square and I got a margarita while we walked around and looked at things. We found a vendor that made personalized banners with your choice of hip and cool border. We got Gabe a Thomas the Train, Mary a Tangled, Ethan a Spongebob, and Joey an Angry birds :) They are really nice and we plan on hanging them in their rooms. Also, I got a pair of flip flops that are super comfy at the Bass store. Chris didn't get anything for himself :/ He is a good dody to me :)

Wednesday- The 4th- We pretty much chilled all day, then later in the evening we had a cook out with tonssss of good food :) We were leaving that night but we had a great time and the kids were exhausted by the time we loaded up to leave. We were a few miles away when Chris' mom called and said we had forgotten Gabe's meds so we had to turn around. We were finally on the road again at 10. Driving home was much worse as far as being tired. Chris drove most of the way. Everytime my eyes shut all I saw was my comfy bed. lol.

Made it home and I thought I would have to blog soon so I  didnt forget it all. We had an amazing time and this isn't everything we did. I could probably write a book. I love making memories with my family. Time goes by soo fast and they will be teenagers in the blink of an eye, and then adults. I caught myself looking all round, at the kids, at Chris just trying to soak up the moment and willing myself not to forget :) I can't wait til next summer!

Also, I got bit by a leech.

Slacker

I know! I know! It's been almost a month since my last post, but I swear I have been SUPER busy. lol.

Well we have the living room and computer/ play room painted and new carpet installed :) This has made the biggest difference. I love to come home and, seriously, just look at the walls and walk on the carpet barefoot. Last night I vacuumed and it was FUN!

August 11th I'm having a Premier Jewellry party and this will be the first social gathering this house has seen since I moved in over a year ago. Chris and I still have a lot to get finished before then. So, I told him that when we get back from Florida next week we have to catch our 2nd wind and attack the DIY projects I've had stored in my mind for months. Thank God for Pinterest!!!

I plan on having a blog with before and after pics about the house make-over for everyone to see, so keep an eye for that in the future :)

Feeling very at ease about my fertility situation (or lack there of). The other day Mary asked when I was going to have a baby. I told her that I wasn't sure, that sometimes having a baby can take awhile. She then told me that to get pregnant I have to fall in love with her daddy and then I will get a baby in my belly. lol. I told her that daddy and I were in love but even then sometimes it can take awhile, then I tried to explain to her that women have eggs kinda like chickens (don't know if this was the right path to take lol) and that my eggs were different from other womens eggs......

:/

She then asked when I was cooking dinner. Guess she lost interest. lol.

I haven't had a cycle since December, but I'm trying not to worry too much. They told me that the cysts or follicles don't hurt me so as long as I'm not in pain I'm ok. I'm running with that b/c who enjoys having a period? not me. The only thing that is seriously killing me is my ACNE! UGH! I have always had a problem with breakouts, but when I'm on BC I have little to no acne. I have turned into a pizza face. My whole face is broken out and what really stinks is I have the under the skin pimples that just won't pop (gross i know) and they hurt :( When I met Chris I was on BC so I had a clear face and now I'm a pizza face. He says he doesn't care, but it's realllllllly annoying me.

By the way, I came home from work the other night and Chris had bought me a dozen roses and a verrrrrrrry sweet card :) 2 years later and he is still so sweet to me. Still opens doors for me. Also, he does housework. You read right. Housework. I sometimes call him Danny Tanner.

We are leaving for Florida tomorrow night. So ready! I'm ready to relax and enjoy not seeing the Roadhouse for a week. Well, I'm going to wrap this up got to get ready for me last day at work before we leave!

Patience is a virtue

It's been awhile since I've written anything, but to tell you the truth I have either been so busy I don't have time to blog or I feel like I don't have anything very interesting to write about :/

School is officially finished for the year and it's summer break. YAY! I am really excited right now, but I know in about 5/6 weeks I'll be begging for September 4th to get here. So far we have pretty much a full agenda. Florida at the end of June and I couldn't be more ready to see the ocean and chillax on the lake. Bring on the margaritas!!! Plus Chris and I are forcing ourselves to finally do something about fixing up the house. It's needed to be done but we have pushed it back again and again. Not anymore!

Still finding ways to pinch pennies here and there. I finally got my clothes line abut a week ago. Honestly, Chris has hung out more clothes than I have at this point but it seems to be working wonderfully. One day last week it was super hot and sunny and a load of clothes dried in less than an hour! Today I also made my first batch ever of home made butter! I still haven't tried it yet, but how can you mess it up really?

Last week I went to the doctor with Rachel and I found out the sex of her baby on the way. We had a Gender Reveal Party today and I thought it was a success :) Lots of good food (ate so much thought I was going to barf) and I made PINK filled cupcakes for her and Ed since they are having a baby girl :)

I haven't told anyone but Chris this but when I first found out Rachel was pregnant it was hard for me to be happy for her... I admit that I was completely jealous. I didn't like feeling that way but I did. I had to force the excitement when we would talk about the pregnancy... It was hard. Really I don't know what made things change but I have decided not to stress about ME. In a way I've let it all go. I realize that my time will come when it's the right time and to be honest... now is not the best time. Chris and I still have a lot we need to do before we are ready to take on an infant. I realized that not only was I stressing myself out over getting pregnant I was stressing myself out over whether or not we could handle having a baby at this point anyways. Am I ready to take care of 4 kids, wake up with a baby at night, have a baby that is completely dependent on me for EVERYTHING, and stay out of work for an extended period of time? and the answer is no.

In a perfect world Chris and I would be the Duggars (not really lol). Some people can be baby factories and not think about the responsibilities they have in the present. Thats cool too. Whatever floats your boat. Me? I can't do that.

So I came to the realization that right now and in the near future I'm going to have to be happy with what I have. And what I have is amazing :) and my best friend is going to have a baby! and I am SOOOOO very happy for her and Ed. When I saw that sweet little profile on the ultrasound machine it brought tears to my eyes. Hadley is a REAL human being. I know she is going to be beautiful and the sweetest little ballerina. And I mean it 100% when I say I couldn't be happier.

I'm not going back on BC so if it happens it happens and maybe in a year or so if it hasn't happened I'll look into more drastic measures. It's not that I've changed my mind, but I was really thinking that 6+1 would be a field of daisies with cotton candy clouds, but it's not about ME, it's about US. And, who is more in tune with reality but myself? lol. I got caught up in my fairytale for a few months but now I've smelled the coffee and woke up. Will we have a baby? yes. Anytime soon? Probably not.

Patience, my friends, patience.

Whats most important.

So things have settled down this week. Thank God! I seriously have to figure out a way to de-stress. Every thing gets to me and it gets to me so much so that I find  it difficult to focus on what's in front of me.

Today I made out a "To-Do" list and I actually ended up getting everything done but one thing (Cleaning the kids' bedrooms). I think that at the ripe age of 24 I'm going to have to be that lady with lists. ugh.

Yesterday Chris came home with some exciting news. Due to a turn of fortunate events we will be able to take the kids to Florida  this year. We had previously decided that this year we wouldn't be able to go because of funds, BUT now we get to go! So excited and we will go at the end of June which will be here before we know it :)

The school year is winding down and the kids have so much planned in the next few weeks. This friday is field day, and I'll be volunteering, hope I get time to see the kids... and later this month Ethan will be in a play. He has to dress up as a carrot. lol. How cute! will have to go shopping this weekend for some carrot making materials. May have to get on Pinterest after this (random) post.

Also, today we (me, mom, crystal, ashley, and mary) had some Mothers Day pics taken. Amanda Russel took them and I think they will turn out great :) I usually use TS photography (you rock Tessa) but Amanda Russel photog was having a Mothers Day special, and I'm all about snatching up good deals :) I honestly can't remember the last time we had some nice photos taken with my mom. I know that I will cherish them and hold them close to my heart. My mom is and has always been my rock, what I fall back on. I'm so grateful for our close relationship and the respect we have for one another. Ok Ok I'm done being sappy. lol.

My eye lids feel like they are being pulled down with 50 pound weights. (head falls on key board...)

This is America right?

This is America right? I have rights don't I? Free speech? Ok (whew!) I was starting to think I was living in a communist country ruled by bitches. lol.

Over it.

This past week has been fairly uneventful with the exception that I made some pretty darn good money this week. The only day that totally sucked was Sunday. Worked a double for $50. Puke.

Today I had to take Ethan to the eye doctor and ended up keeping him out the whole day. He even went to the chiropractor with me (and wanted to get adjusted. lol) I told him maybe some other time.

Went to some yard sales Saturday and came away with some sweet steals. A lot of houses only had baby clothes. They grow out of them so fast and don't really play in them so there is a lot of resale as far as infant stuff goes. When your kids are older though clothes get grown out of just as fast and they are usually worn from play. I did find a t-shirt for Ethan though, several winter things for Mary, a Melissa and Doug birthday cake (very cute), a copy of "What to expect when your expecting." for $1, and the entire series of Little House on the Prairie books! I have mentioned before that I LOVE LOVE Little House on the Prairie books. This was by far my favorite find. ME=NERD.

Then today I had to deal with some rubbish. I'm not going to talk any smack. The fact is this: I love my family. All of them. I love my step-kids and to be honest I never think of them as my STEP kids. They are just my kids. When I was growing up I called my STEP dad Jim but I thought of him as my dad. I had two dads. When I introduced people to my mom and step-dad I never said step-dad I just said dad. What's the big deal really? I bust my ass working 40+ hours a week to help feed, clothe, and meet the needs of four kids that didn't come from my womb. Is it too much to ask that I just be able to call them what I want to? I'm not in a competition. I don't buy them food b/c I want to look better than their mother. I don't buy them clothes b/c I want to look better than their mother. I don't do ANY of the things I do for them b/c I'm trying to "replace" or compete with their mother.

I DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE THEM.

I DO IT BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT A MOTHER DOES.

I'm not going to stop being a mother and I'm not going to apologize for being me. I have always been that person who is willing to give the shirt off their back or the shoes off their feet for someone who needs them. I would be ashamed of myself if I took a step back from my duties to provide for my family simply because someone gets offended that I call my step-children my children.

I was reminded of this saying today that I've seen a 1,000 times on Father's Day hats and shirts.

"Any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy"

The same can be said for mothers. I have never said that their mother couldn't do for them, but why should I be expected to do less?! Should it not be appreciated that I love them and enjoy my time with them?

Unfortunately I feel like this is something that I will be battling for many years to come b/c I will not give in. My step-children deserve the best of everything this world can offer them and I intend to make sure they get it.

I'm not angry. I'm not upset. I am determined.

Rollercoaster.

                                                                       "After a While"

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

by Veronica A. Shoffstall

 

 

I copy and pasted this from Angela Amick. It stuck with me and it moved me because it's true. Yesterday I went back to the ob/gyn. I'm starting to think I may need to change doctors, not because I think he is making the wrong choices for me, but because he talks to me like I don't have a brain. :/

 

After telling me I shouldn't go on a low carb diet and a lecture on how metabolism works I got yet another lecture when I told him I had started seeing a chiropractor after reading some online articles that it can POSSIBLY help with fertility.

 

"The endocrine system is my area of expertise and your spine has nothing to do with your ovaries."

 

O.K. but along with the spine come 1,000's of nerves which control your entire body. It's like the super speed way for the body and it's functions. I still think that chiropractic adjustments can help improve fertility, maybe not for everyone, but I'm still going. I LOVE my chiropractor! It feels so good to go and have him work out all my kinks.

 

The next few months are going to be sooo busy. Basically, we are on the downward slope for school. The last day of school is June 1st, and I'm ready! Summer break isn't even here yet and I'm thinking about the next school year. Hopefully, Ethan will be with Mary's teacher of this year. We love Mrs. Morgan :) and next year Gabe will be in 5th grade :( I'm already building anxiety about Middle School... Especially b/c he will have to go alone without his brothers and sister :( I'll be a basket case this time next year!

 

Random ramblings.

 

Also, this weekend I'm getting a clothes line! yayyy! You may think this is no reason to get excited, but anyway to save money is a reason for excitement. When you do an average of 2 loads of laundry a day, a chance to not use the dryer as much is a good thing! I have been continuously looking for ways for us to save money.

 

Home made laundry detergent.

 

Raw milk and eggs.

 

When the kids aren't  too dirty having them all use the same bath water (don't judge me lol)

 

Consignment and Thrift store shopping.

 

Losing the movie channels.

 

What else is there???

 

This Friday is the Special Olympics and I'm super stoked to see Gabe and Joey. Just bummed I won't be able to stay the entire time. Gotta love the Roadhouse. Puke. Well going to get off here and clean up a bit and then maybe fit in a nap.

not all it's cracked up to be.

These past few months have really been a doozy for my body. I'm 24 and I'm falling apart! Not really, but sometimes that's what I feel like.

I've been going through all these different emotions lately. Sometimes I'm happy other times I'm sad or beside myself... I keep telling myself things aren't that bad and that going to the doctor is what's best for me right now and that going to the doctor is what's going to make me better. BUT I'm sick of going and hearing bad news, and I've been taking Metformin for a month now and honestly don't feel any different.

Then I think - Right now Chris and I have so much we need to do to the house and the kids keep us so busy. It'll be good for us if I don't have a baby right away.

... and I know this is true, but when I see people pregnant and see them planning their baby showers and talking about what bottles they are going to use and discussing baby names only a part of me can be happy for them, and I don't like feeling that way :( I've thought maybe I'm not jealous that they are pregnant, but that they could get pregnant. And it may seem  silly but having a womans body that doesn't function the way a womans body should can make one feel a little less than attractive, a little less like a woman.

I stay busy most times but it's when I'm not busy that I dwell on it. It's when everyone is asleep at 2 a.m. and I'm still awake looking on infertility message boards trying to relate to women who are going through what I'm going through that it fills my mind up so that I don't sleep well. Can I just fast forward to when my ovaries start working? lol.

I've always been that person that keeps a smile on their face no matter what. I'm still smiling through it all, but it's not easy. I don't want people to think I'm being a pansy or making a mountain out of a mole hill either. I don't deserve to have to go through this and it sucks that I have to. Why can't the lazy women who don't want kids have bad eggs? I like kids, and I have crappy eggs.

Seriously frustrated. Go back to the OB/GYN monday and I'm hoping they will do another ultrasound and I'm hoping my ovaries look like snickerdoodles instead of chocolate chip cookies. Fingers crossed.

Do Not Consume Alcohol While Taking This Medication.

So the kids were on Spring Break this week, and I honestly have to say that I love having them out of school. We get to go do fun things and I don't have to worry about the daily grind of getting them up and ready for school, taking them to school, running my errands while they are in school, getting them from school... you get the point. It's all about SCHOOL. I'm ready for summer break already. Can you tell?

Well we started the week out with a day at home, we did make a trip to the park for a picnic, but that was about it. Tuesday we went to the zoo, and I was a little worried how the kids would behave, me taking them by myself. They did great though :) They really are some of the best behaved kids I have ever seen. They make me proud and I love when we get compliments on how well mannered they are. They went to stay with their mom for 2 days then came back to us. Had to work a double shift on Friday which blowedddddd. Then I called in sick Saturday so Chris and I could take them to Gatlinburg for the day. It was the first time they had ever been and we had soooo much fun!!!

First we went to the Ripley's Museum and they really enjoyed getting to look at all the weird and crazy stuff in there like the two headed cow. There was one part of the museum where it gets dark and there is some scary stuff and there is a treasure chest type thing and when you open the lid it lets out this high pitched I'm being murdered scream and it scared the kids to death! Gabe literally screamed too and jumped back, poor kid :( Then we went to the Mirror Maze which was super cool. I was afraid we were going to lose one of the kids in there. Its dark and there are red lights on the floors and spinning doors and techno music... Ethan kept dancing in the mirrors. He really is a good little dancer. The next Usher or Chris Brown. lol. Next we went and had lunch and while we were there saw a kid who couldn't have been 10 drinking a Monster Energy drink.... Really? I had no idea that a CHILD needed more energy?? I would NEVER let the kids have an energy drink. I swear sometimes I question the intelligence of parents. Just b/c a parent isn't a drug dealer or snorting coke doesn't make them a GOOD parent. There are some dumb people in this world and that child's parents are two of them. Then we went to the Ripley's Aquarium :) I have been to this aquarium several times and love it. I was so glad the kids loved it too. They loved looking at all the fish and they LOVED the water tunnel with the moving sidewalk. Then the kids got to spend their Birthday money in the gift shop, they really liked that. After that we were  going to ride the trolley back up the strip but it was like a 20 minute wait so we just walked. I wanted to get one of those old timey photos made but they said it was $35 dollars for 6 people and that's only one copy and additional copies are $10. Wow. Those people are making a killing. They advertise it takes less than 5 minutes to do and they make $35 bucks? I still want to do it. lol. but we skipped it this time round. Ben and Jerry's was next for icecream and then back down to Pigeon Forge where we played mini golf with my friend Brandi and her son Ashton (aka Ethans new best friend) and then they joined us for dinner :) OVERALL... the trip was a success and we can't wait to go back. I told Chris if I got nothing else out of our one day vacay it was that as parents we have to be doing something right, b/c I saw soo many spoiled, bratty, poorly behaved children. As parents we have to remember that we are raising a child to adulthood. We should be teaching the manners, values, and morals from day one, not just getting through the day to get to the end.

Gatlinburg = FUN!

Today I had to work, but we went to the in laws this morning and had Easter breakfast and then the Easter bunny came and the kids got to hunt eggs. I had to leave in the middle of it all to go to  work :( but I was glad I didn't have to work my usual Sunday double. We were slow today which was weird. Last Easter we were on a wait forever and our kitchen crashed. Today we got a little pop and then it was over. I did ok. Then after work I met Chris and the kids at my parents house. The Easter bunny came there too! The kids got to hunt eggs again then we set down to ham, potato salad, green beans, mac n' cheese, and corn on the cob with pina colada cake for dessert. Then my sister and niece and nephew came over for awhile to play with the kids.

Its been a very busy week, but I love it. I'm tired as hell, but I love it. Also, I'm still taking my medication the doc put me on. The longer I take it the side effects keep decreasing so I guess my body is getting used to it. The biggest thing is that it makes me a little nauseated right after taking it, but its not too bad. Go back at the end of the month so we will see what he says :)

Got. to. get. off. here. so. so. tired. lol.

It'll be alright :)

So today I went to the doctor AGAIN. This time to see the OB/GYN Dr. Anderson. I didn't have to pay a co-pay this time (sweet!). He pretty much explained to me what PCOS is. I just patiently listened to him. I didn't want to tell him I had looked up every website known to man over the past year and knew exactly what it was. Better to let him feel like the professional (feed the male ego. lol) He was very nice but I hope when I do get pregnant I can go back to seeing the midwife. Until then Dr. Anderson told me he wants to see me as my condition makes me higher risk :/

Instead of the Clomid he put me on Metformin. Honestly, I am A-OK with this :) The more I thought about the Clomid the more worried I was getting. Yes, I want to have a baby, but the thought of possibly being pregnant before the end of April was scaring me. Chris and I still have debt that needs to be paid and things to fix at the house. Plus, when you take Clomid your chances of a multiple birth goes up (1 in 10). Chris already has 4. Mary and Ethan are twins... We do not need twins. lol. If I can get ONE fat healthy baby I'll be happy.

 So the doc wrote the prescription and told me he wants to see me every month for the next 3 months. The Metformin should stabilize my insulin, which in turn will help me lose weight, which in turn will hopefully allow me to naturally start my cycles again. I'm much happier with this. Maybe I'll get a bit more time without a bun in the oven and get some things done, and lose some weight so I'll be a healthier preggo when the time comes. I went and got the Metformin filled and started taking it today. So far so good.

AND the kids birthday party went great :) we didn't have many people from their elementary school come but I know with  ball season and the fact it was on a Sunday didn't help, but it was great having  our families together. What's most important is that the kids had a great time. The weather was great (I was afraid it would be too hot on Gabe) and the food was awesome, and the cake was even BETTER! The wind was even blowing hard enough to fly kites :) I go to pick up our pictures from TS Photography tomorrow! So glad I decided to have someone take pics, b/c I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. It's just awesome knowing that the kids have sooo many people that care about them and love them :) They are four very lucky kiddos.

Well, I'm going to hop off here and get some rest. Busy day tomorrow. Going to start putting in some apps. Logans can kisssssss ittttttttt.

Chocolate chip cookies.

So since going to the doctor I have debated whether or not to continue to blog about my personal health. At times it almost seems too personal. I feel like I want to keep it a secret. Not sure how to explain why I feel that way, but I do.

PCOS is THE most common reason for infertility, but yet when I mention it to people they have no clue what I'm talking about. And yes, more than likely I will be able to have a baby. But really the word INFERTILE stings, and every time I go to the doctor and they say it... it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I went to the doctor again Monday for the ovarian ultrasound and labs. I have to say that as much as I'm beginning to hate going to the doctor I LOVE my midwife. I think she is a hippie angel. lol. really. She told me before I went to the ultrasound room that if I had cystic ovaries they would look like pearls or Swiss cheese or chocolate chip cookies... I thought they looked most like chocolate chip cookies. My ovary being the "cookie" and the cysts or follicles being the "chocolate chips". kinda gross. It was clear as can be and they didn't even wait for my labs to come back to put the official diagnosis on file.

What now?

Well, I go back next Monday to see an OB/GYN at the same office. From what I understood from my midwife I will take a prescription to jump start my cycle and then begin taking Clomid. I'm nervous and I'm scared. Yes, this is what I want, but I keep asking myself am I really ready? Everything will change. 80% of women who take Clomid will ovulate and 50% will get pregnant. Who knew that getting knocked up was so hard? Am I ready to add an infant to the mix? Am I ready for the disappointment if the Clomid doesn't work for me?

And I'm a pansy. I don't want to be sick :( I haven't thrown up in over a decade. seriously. I do not want to break the record now.

And Lord help Chris and I if we have multiples. I won't even think about it.

Tomorrow is picture day and as soon as Gabe got home today he said, "Put on the bathing suits and wear for picture day!" No can do pal :( Although that would be pretty funny.

This Sunday is the kids big bday bash. I'm sooo very excited for this! I love that our families will get to socialize and that the kids will have friends from school come to see them. It should be a blast! I just hope it doesn't rain :/

And Joey turns 9 tomorrow :) They are growing up soo fast. He is getting so tall (still skinny), and he has improved by leaps and bounds socially and academically. His vocabulary has sky rocketed the past year :) I am soo proud of him!

Well I need to get off here and get the kids stuff ready for tomorrow.

A lot on my mind...

So for the past few weeks I have had a lot on my mind. It's not really stressing me out, just wondering, day dreaming, contemplating...

I have went to the doctor several times the past few weeks, and I feel really blessed that Chris is able to get wonderful health insurance through Roper :) I haven't been able to visit a doctor in years unless I was near death. Visiting a womens doctor was out of the question so I went to the health dept for years. I have suspected for the past year or so that I may have PCOS, but as I have plenty of things to occupy my mind it stayed far in the back, squished in a corner.

Today I went to see Juanita Johnson. She was wonderful and as far as I'm concerned I will continue to see her. Kinda eccentric and lots of energy :) and she talked to me like I was a person not just a number. When she was asking me all the new patient questions she got to the one where they have to ask if you do any illegal drugs and she flat out asked if I smoked weed. baha. So anyways they did my annual exam nothing weird about that except the usual weird feeling you get when a strangers face and hands are all over you. Then she asked about my irregular periods. I told her, there is really not much to tell. When I'm on BC I have a period when I'm not, I don't. So she went through a list of PCOS symptoms with me and I had all of them but one :( Having PCOS doesn't mean I can't conceive, but it won't be as simple as just having sex for fun. I go next Monday for an ovarian ultrasound and blood tests. It's pretty much to confirm what she already suspects. We even discussed my options once I am diagnosed.

I guess what I've been thinking about the most is that I wanted to have this perfect pregnancy, without complications, and without being high risk. It's possible that all that can still happen but my chances of gestational diabetes (I'm already insulin resistant), preeclampsia, and miscarriage go up. I was so positive at first but I can feel myself literally being worn down. It seems like everyone gets pregnant so easily or it just accidentally happens... I'm not obsessed with having a baby at this point which brings me to another reason why my mind is in over drive.

I take care of four now, and I'm not getting the big head or anything but I think I do a fairly good job at being Step-mom. I want to be able to give my very best to my little baby. Will I be able to? I don't want to wait  too long to have a baby. Gabe just turned 10 at the beginning of the month and the twins will turn 7 at the end of the month. My little sister and I are almost a decade apart and I know first hand how difficult it can be growing up with a sibling that young. I love my sister to death but it's hard for me to relate to her sometimes, and most times I feel more like a maternal figure than the sister/ best friend. I think it may be somewhat difficult that the kids leave half the week to go to their mothers. IDK. My mind is nearing full capacity.

And what about work? We can't afford for me to just stay at home with the kids. I'm freaking out and I'm not even pregnant. I guess I just like to have a plan and stick to it, and when you have kids or are planning to have a child nothing is set in stone.

Faith. I'm not a very religious person, but faith is what gets me through. On those nights when I cry coming home from a bad night at work, or the kids are having a bad day, or here lately get consumed by the thought of a child I don't yet have I just have to stop and take a deep breath and tell myself I'm blessed. Right now four little angels are sleeping in their beds (hopefully. they better be.) and they give me a reason to smile everyday. Even when they aren't with Chris and I. Also, my best friend. Chris. No words can possibly describe how great a man he is. I'm blessed and I know it :) Sometimes we just have to be reminded. In fact, writing this gave me that little reminder.

Until next time. Your maven.

To be or not to be.

So, I was thinking in my head what I would write about in this blog post when I came across a blog I follow (People I want to punch in the throat) and it was about over achieving moms and the birthday parties they throw for their kids.... and I swear thats what I was going to write about. lol. How excited I am to throw a big birthday party bash for my kids. Some of the things she downed in her blog were ideas I am actually considering. Love her blog, but it's not deterring me :)

The party will be in a few weeks, and now that we have it booked and a date set I am getting realllllly excited. Infact, as soon as I post this blog I will be on Pinterest :) It will be the first time that our two families and friends will be together and I'm excited for everyone to get to socialize and for the kids to have their friends from school come party as well :)

Finally got our tax refund back. Not exactly what we were expecting. Let's just say you can not avoid paying the government back for a student loan :/

And... my blood pressure was great, all week, and when I went back to the doctor :) The only thing the doctor wasn't happy about was my blood sugar. Apparently, I am insulin resistant. She wants me to diet and exercise for a month and come back. If it hasn't improved she wants to put me on medicine. I'm not diabetic BUT if I continue to eat whatever I want (bad things) I will be sooner rather than later. It's hard to explain how this makes me feel... I want to be healthy and I want to be in better shape, but finding the motivation to bring it to fruition is a whole other matter... Trying very hard to get my mind in the right place.

Also have an appointment later this month with an OB/GYN :) ready to find out what is wrong with me so I can move on!

Lots of changes in store for me. All for the good. March is going to be one busy month.