Too much for blogging.

Obviously, I have been consumed by life and unable to blog since the summer. Should summer be capitalized? I am paying attention to these things since I will be starting school in January in the Teaching Program :) Woot woot!

Taking a moment to reflect on this past year has my mind going in a million different directions. Well, since vacation so much has happened in the Gilbert house. The kids went back to school (duh). Gabe loves middle school. Gabe is also getting hair in his arm pits. Joey is ready for middle school. He talks about it a lot, but I will be tearful when the time comes. I love the Special Educ teachers at RSE and I will hate to say goodbye. Ethan is doing super awesome. He was tested for the gifted programs earlier in the year and missed it by a hair. I'm ok with that though. I would rather him excel in his regular class than struggle in a gifted class, and he is still in boy scouts. Mary is an old soul sometimes. She is becoming more mature and girly and always says what's on her mind. She also grew her bangs out. I like her hair much more since she has grown them out but she lets them hang in her face and it drives me nutssss. Chris has been a good boy too. Honestly, he has been on over time more this year than not. He is currently off for 2 weeks and getting some much needed rest.

I got a little summer break and went back to school taking 5 classes and working part time at CCVW. Chris and I knew when I decided to go back to school that money would be tight, but man oh man sometimes it has been tough. I decided to look for another money making outlet and stumbled (somewhat) upon Advocare. This is where it gets fun. I'm a new woman, seriously. I know that I have a tendency to be somewhat dry and sarcastic but I get fired up and emotional about my family and Advocare :) I have managed to lose 32 pounds healthily, come from the brink of diabetes, gain muscle, gain lotssss of energy, and earn an extra $500 on average a month. Also, it's just the beginning of something larger and greater. I bought myself a pair of size 16 pants a couple of weeks ago and I can get them on and almost buttoned. lol. They will button in just a few more weeks. I can't remember the last time I was a size 16, sometime in high school. It's hard not to blow up facebook with Advocare and I know that it's hard for some people to understand and some people have no desire to hear or see anything about Advocare, but if you had felt like I felt before..... and could experience how I feel now.... you would have a reason to be blowin' up some news feeds.

School is great :) My eyes have been opened to what the teaching world is going to be like and I have more to learn and experience and I'm ready for that. One thing that has disappointed me though is all the politics in the schools. Why can't teaching just be teaching? I don't see the classroom as I used to see it but I feel that teaching CHAMPIONS is what I'm meant to do, we will see where I am led ;)

Maybe, I'll make an attempt to blog on a regular basis, maybe not. I'll try an update as much as I can :)

Where have you been all my life?!

Vacation has come and gone and I'm just now sitting down to write about it. I suppose I've been a little bit busy...

Vacation was GREAT! The day before we left I convinced my best friend Rachel to tag along and bring the Hadlett with her. I didn't have to twist her arm too much ;) One thing about this years trip is that we only got to stay a few nights. Due to my summer school schedule we couldn't stay any longer than that. Also, it rained and was over cast most of the time we were there. Somehow we still managed to get too much sun. lol. Even though it was a little damp we still had a great time. The beach was of course my fave. I really think if I had a job and a house to go to I could move down there. Maybe one day....

Since we've been back things have been pretty slow paced. I've felt kinda guilty for not being the "on the go" step momma the past couple of weeks, BUT I needed to slow down a notch. I'm still going to one class but it ends next week, and then I get a couple weeks off before the fall semester starts. I can't believe how fast this summer has went by! The kids are great :) Infact, they all helped clean house this morning. They didn't volunteer but they didn't whine about it too much so I'll just be thankful for that. My MIL got Joey some noise canceling earphones and he actually was able to vacuum this morning. It was so sweet. It may not seem like much, but Joey has been fixated on vacuums for months now. He draws dozens of pictures a day of different types and brands. He even builds forts and calls it the "Part's Store" and sells "part's" to fix broken vacuums. Also, he has built a bagless vacuum out of Mega Blocks and likes to clean up bits of paper and dryer lint. lol. I think it's kinda been a dream of his to use the real vacuum but the noise was too much for his sensitive ears. Now that he has the head phones he is so excited to do the vacuum chore!

Dieting has also been in the picture for both Chris and I. We have been using My Fitness Pal for a few weeks now. Chris has already had to take his belt in a notch and my clothes aren't so snug. Why do men lose weight quicker than women? I think it's garbage.

I feel like I have so much that I should be writing but the thoughts aren't forth coming. I did take the GACE yesterday which was not as difficult as I expected but after sitting in a desk for 4 straight hours and having your head down looking at questions and reading passages.... I was EXHAUSTED. Plus, I had a horrible headache. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I passed it so that I'll be in the teaching program come January!!!

How do ya'll like the new layout? Thank you kindly to my tech savvy friend Rach :)

Better get off here it's lunch time and the 4 monsters are hungry....

Playing Ketchup

I have gotten really horrible at keeping this thing updated. It's not that my life has suddenly become mundane, but that I am super busy 90% of the time and the other 10% I just want to sleep :)

School is out for summer break and really as of right now I haven't had the chance to enjoy any of it :(
My summer semester classes started before the kids were even out of school and are still going strong. My life and earth science class final was today. yay! It was actually a very interesting class and I (think) learned a lot, but after going to that class 4 days a week for 3 hours a day..... MY BRAIN IS FRIED! I'm also taking a math course for edu majors and... well... ehh. I think I would have more fun picking cigarette butts off the interstate. The math class lasts until the end of July and then I will get 2 whole weeks off before fall semester.

I've had the sensation the past couple of weeks that i'm getting wound tighter and tighter. It's not a good feeling. Some people have told me before that they think I'm super woman for working, going to school, and having a house full of kids. I'm telling you though, some days I'm an inch away from going insane. lol. I spent the better part of today cleaning my house b/c it has been neglected for so long. I'm barely at home here lately and Chris comes home from working in a hot warehouse all day and cooks supper and takes care of the kids and does a few upkeep chores and he is wiped out. I'm not a clean freak by any means so you can imagine the level of ick our house was/is in. I've done 5 loads of laundry today and am only half way through.

My dad just got out of a week long stay in the hospital. Gave us quite the scare, so I've been running back and forth from Rockspring to Tullahoma. I haven't been running nearly as much as my Aunt. I don't know how she does it. She works miracles.

I feel like the past 4 weeks of my life have been a blurr. seriously. It's like when you are driving home and you get home and you can't remember the drive you just made. I've done that here lately too. lol.

The kids themselves are great. They won so many awards the last couple of days of school. They make me so proud! It's so easy for me to whine and complain or get discouraged but as soon as I do I have four faces pop in my head. Of course, I want to graduate and have a better job and a better life, but I want to do it for them. I remember growing up and my mother saying she wanted better for me. She wanted me to have a better life than what she had. I want the same thing for my step-children. I don't care how many tears i shed in the next two years or how many times i feel like throwing in the towel (i wont), I will do this!

And i can't thank Chris and our families enough. I reallllllly dont know what we would do without them. They are always there for us volunteering to keep the kids when our schedules dont line up right. thank you to my sister in law carrie, niece katy, and mil ginger for keeping the kids while i go to school. If we didnt have them i wouldnt be able to go to school at all. They say it takes a village to raise a child and we have the **BEST** village!

My life is so crazy it's hard for me to even think of certain things the kids have done of late that are super funny. It's something everyday, but sometimes hard to recall. ethan did ask me this morning if candy had been invented when i was a kid. lol. i thought, "does he really think im that old?"

I tell you one thing that has helped me keep my sanity lately is imagine dragons. I'm addicted to their pandora station. it's all a listen to. love me some dragons, florence and the machine and mumford and sons. I would love to go to bonnaroo if i thought i could just take off for a week, not bathe, and actually have people come with me. lol.

We leave for florida on friday and i am beyond ready!!!!!!!!!!!! you have no idea! no work, no school, no laundry. Just lots of fun and relaxation :) ill be sure to post some pics upon our return :) stay classy!

I don't dance.

I really do not like how my blog looks, but don't really know how to fix it. lol.
Oh well.

Gabe is sick. AGAIN! He just finished taking a round of anti-biotics and woke up this morning with a fever :/
Really? I think kids get prescribed medicine so much nowadays that when they really need to kick sickness in the butt it's that much harder. I think this next doctors visit will require a shot in the rear end and 6 people to hold him down. lol. Actually, when I told him we had to go back to the doctor he didn't seem too concerned. He is probably tired of being sick and tired. I would be.

Summer classes start next week, and I'm kinda excited. I'm excited to get it over with and raise my GPA some more but not ready for how much time it is going to take away from summer fun. I just keep telling myself 2 more years and I will be off EVERY summer. WOO HOO!

Today they are having a dance party after school and when I asked Ethan if he wanted to go he said very matter of fact, "I don't dance."
Well ok then.

Sunday was Mother's Day and it was pretty fab :) Got to sleep in b/c the kids were with their mom and then we picked them up around noonish and went to the Tennessee Aquarium. It was all that crowded which was the best b/c it's hard to look at everything when people are walking on top of each other. I got some very nice gifts from little people and then had to go to work that night.

I just wanted to jot a down a few lines while I had a minute :)

PS: Here is a pic of Joey making pancakes for dinner last night. He is so fun. I have a video that's on FB I can't figure out how to do video on the blog :/

ok, never mind. I can't figure out the pic either. lol.

I need a vacation. Autism. Pinterest.

It's been awhile since I have updated on my blog,  but it's something that I have really been wanting to do. It's finding the time in my chaotic life to do anything soothing that's the problem.

School for both the kids and I has been crazy. The kids are winding theirs down. So there are a lot of field trips and fun activities going on. Gabe has met with his 6th grade special edu. teachers twice now and has taken a trip to the middle school :) I know that it will be quite the transition not just for him but for us as well. The teachers at RSE are some of the most caring, gifted, compassionate, and hard working women I have ever had the privilege of knowing. I know that as Gabe gets older he will be held to a slightly higher standard and I do want that for his sake, but I also want him to stay a sweet little boy. The past couple of months Gabe has drawn the short end of the stick as far as his health goes. At the end of March he had a seizure that sent him to the hospital and a couple of weeks ago it was a stomach virus, and as of now he is battling step-throat. He has consistently had a fever of 102-103 since yesterday and he is absolutely pitiful :( I know how awful I feel when I run a temp and have a sore throat and he just can't seem to get rid of the funk :( Hoping that tomorrow he will begin feeling the anti-biotic working.

April just happens to be Autism Awareness Month :) I know it's the last day, but the entire month really I have randomly reflected on how two of my favorite boys have changed my life. I remember the first time I met Joey and how he was almost completely non-verbal, much like a toddler he would make vocalizations to communicate his wants/needs. I remember, not feeling uncomfortable, but feeling unsure of MYSELF and how I could go about building a relationship with a child that had very particular needs. Little did I know that it isn't difficult at all. Everyone who meets Joey falls in love with him. He is so very artistic and intelligent. I could watch him draw, paint, or create things all day long. He makes me laugh everyday with the silly things he says and sometimes the serious things he says that to me are adorable. I enjoy watching him over come his fears and sensory obstacles, and even though I hate that he has problems sometimes with various sensory things, I love being the one to comfort him and make things ok. I love his different colored eyes and his skinny bones and how at age 10 he still likes to jump on my back for rides :) He has grown so much in the past few years and I'm so proud of him. I can't wait to see him continue to grow and mature :) Of course I can't leave my buddy Gabe out. Gabe was much more hesitant and shy when we met. It took a couple of months before Gabe would even make eye contact with me. I know some parents of autistic children struggle on a daily basis with a child who is not affectionate and/or does not make eye contact. This was my relationship with Gabe for several months. I just tried to find ways to make myself seem cool or have a way to relate to him or start a conversation. lol. Slowly he started warming up to me. I remember the first time I had the kids by myself... I think they all decided to try my patience at the same time. I remember Gabe pitching a fit like a 2 year old, throwing himself in the floor and kicking me. Mary telling me no. lol. I hold firm that giving into a child's antics and misbehavior only makes things worse. After standing my ground with them a couple of times I think I earned their respect and Gabe and I grew closer. The first time Chris and I took them to the Chattanooga Zoo I remember Gabe telling me, "Look Christy! Look!" talking about the different animals, but when I would look at him and smile he would look away really quick. lol. Gabe has blossomed into quite the social butterfly. His teachers call him a politician b/c he always wants to introduce himself and shake peoples hands. He is so very technically inclined. I can't even record something for DVR, but Gabe can do it all :) I don't know where he finds this stuff, but he can make just about anything with random bits of paper, tape, and string. He will be entertained for hours. Now he is my close pal. Sometimes he will ask me, "You're my friend?" and it melts my heart. I've learned that being a mother doesn't require you to have carried a child in your womb, but just that selfless sacrifice you give to a child. I will gladly be called Christy. Knowing that they love me and that I'm important and mean so much to them is more than I could ever ask for!

Now I have to give my praise to Pinterest! First of all, I love Grumpy Cat.
You say it's getting old? Nah, I'm still pinning, that and Fat Amy. lol.
As I said a while back in the blog Gabe has been running a consistent temp of 102-103. Earlier out of frustration I searched natural remedies for lowering a fever (Tylenol and Motrin were not cutting it!)
and it brought me to a pin that suggested I take cool water soaked socks and put them on his feet and leave them on til completely dry....
Well he has been wearing them for a little over an hour and guess what?!
NO FEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3 Pinterest

Oh and how am I doing?

Funny you should ask.
I'm exhausted! Chris and I stayed up most of the night last night keeping an eye on Gabe. I'm running on a couple of hours of sleep. After a morning complete with projectile vomit and getting the 3 well kids ready for school I had to go take 2 final exams. The first was my Speech class and the second was in my Geography class. I'm thinking I did well on both so we shall see. Over all this has been a great semester. When all is said and done I really did enjoy all of my classes and I, never meeting a stranger, made a couple of new friends. I found out that I really am capable of doing well. When I took that semester off 5 years ago I left feeling like maybe college was just too difficult. The problem was that I just wasn't motivated. I won't lie there were some mornings when I reallllly didn't want to get out of bed, and there were some days when showing up to class was the last thing I wanted to do. BUT! I have spent the last 5 years struggling financially and robbing Peter to pay Paul (lol) and I'm done! I know without a doubt it will be worth it in the end and what's best for my family :) Greener pastures just 2 years away :)

This has been a very long post indeed :) BTW Chris is great too. He has been working OT for a couple of months now. I love my hard working dody!

Where do I start?!

So, I'm finally getting a chance to sit down and write a blog. I've been putting it off for several days just b/c I didn't want to have to rush through it. A lot has happened in the past 7 days and I want to give as much detail as I can. I know a few people keep up with the Gilbert happenings but I like to go back and read my blogs from time to time also. Which brings up this question...

Do you ever take a moment to think about where you were at in life just a year ago?
I asked Chris and he said that he never did that, so maybe I'm the weird one :) But, seriously, I do that quite often. I like thinking about the positive things that have happened in my life in the previous 12 months. I rarely, if ever, think how great life was then and now it sucks. My life is pretty amazing.

But looking back to where I was a year ago. I was emotionally distraught over the fact that I have PCOS, that I couldn't get pregnant, that my house seemingly was never going to come together, that I was living in a home that wasn't truly my own b/c Chris had shared it with someone else for so long, and adjusting to my role as a step parent and exactly WHAT that MEANS. It's amazing to me how much things can change in just 12 short months.

A year ago I wanted a child of my own desperately. It was all I thought about. It kept me up at night. I was so upset with myself b/c I wasn't able to produce a proper egg. lol. Looking back one of the biggest reasons why I wanted my baby so badly was that I wanted someone to call ME mom. That was so important to me. I love my step children but they didn't come from my womb. In a sense I felt robbed. I never got to feel these children I love so much kick in my belly, or hold them as infants, watch them take their first steps, etc... I wanted those experiences. Let me tell you though, one year later I love my step children even more, and it doesn't matter one bit to me that they call me Christy. I know they love me. I know I mean something to them. When Gabe was at the hospital last weekend (more on that later) one of the first questions he asked when he woke up was, "Where's Christy?" and I can't even describe how that made me feel :) I can't imagine that hearing the words mommy would feel any better.

This time last year we were making small improvements to our home but nothing really large scale. I wish I could say we are finished, but we aren't. In the next few months hopefully we will be. However, if you could see a before and after pic of the majority of our house it does look totally different. I'm thankful for my parents and inlaws who have really helped us fix things up.

My role as a step parent? Honestly, I don't see that it's any different from being a parent. I love my kiddos. I'm going to take care of them just as if they belonged to me :) I give 100% to Chris and the kids everyday. I work, go to school, and manage to help Chris hold down the fort. I can't remember the last day I sat on the couch and watched a movie or TV show all the way through. I go full speed from the time my feet hit the floor til I go to sleep at night. Sometimes I feel worn thin, and need a break. Through all of it, I'm working toward a goal. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that I'm setting a good example to my step kids. That when you want a good life you have to work for it. Things in life are not handed to you. In the next couple of years I will graduate with my bachelors in education and we will finally be able to live comfortably :)

The kids are great. Last weekend we celebrated with a big birthday party and trip to the bouncy house place in Fort Oglethorpe (I can't remember what it's called). I really don't think our house has ever been so packed. I don't feel like I'm a very organized party thrower :/ So I guess if you ever come to a party at our house you will just have to make yourself at home b/c I don't know whether I'm coming or going. lol. The day was fantastic until that evening. We came home from Fort O and Mary went to stay with her cousin and the boys were at home with us. After a day of eating and drinking a lot of junk they of course came home and asked for candy.lol. I told them that they had to eat supper before anymore junk food. Usually, Gabe is the first one finished (he is a human vacuum cleaner) but when I walked through the kitchen a few minutes later he was the only one at the table. I thought he had fallen asleep. I shook his shoudler... But when I saw his face I knew that he was having a seizure. I called for Chris and half dragged Gabe into our bedroom. Chris came with the Diastat and we attempted to administer the meds. Gabe usually does so well during this part but this time it was different. I'm still not sure if he was still partially aware of what was going on or if his muscles just reacted differently, but giving the first dosage was almost impossible. Chris even sustained a kick in the face. From there it's just a blur of scary details that I could never forget even if I wanted to. Just a few months ago was the first time I had ever witnessed Gabe having a seizure. It lasted maybe 5 minutes but shook me up pretty bad. By the time the ambulance got there. I can't describe where my mind was. I don't think they make words for that. Maybe numb. I made the mistake of calling my mom on the way to the hospital. I completely lost it. If that phone call had been in a movie that's where someone would have slapped me. Gabe had lost control of his bladder and had vomited during his seizure and I was wearing both messes on me. I hated that Chris couldn't ride in the ambulance with him. We got to the hospital right behind the ambulance. They had gotten the seizure to stop on the way to the hospital ( thank goodness ) so he was knocked out on medication once we got there. All in all... we really don't know anything. We don't know what specifically triggered it. He has had them like this before but the last very bad one he had was before Chris and I got together. They did say that as he hits adolescence they may come more frequently (which I dread). They ended up adjusting some of his medications and told us to completely cut out caffiene. So, thats where we are at. Over all, he was such a good boy in the hospital. Once when his nurses were trying to remove his IV they said, "We are sorry this is hurting you." and Gabe said, "It's ok you're my friend!" I thought the nurses were going to melt :) Also, we only had to stay the one night and I was so thankful he got to come home and rest. The hospital is no fun, especially for kids.

Our spring break trip that we had been looking forward to had to be canceled. However, I called the company we made the reservation through and they sent us a full refund :) We plan on going sometime in the next couple of months :) We did get to go to Gatlinburg for the day on monday, but it snowed and was freezing the entire time! The kids did enjoy the Ripley's Aquarium though and playing at the arcade.

Like I said we don't get much down time around here. So it was back to work and school tuesday. I can honestly say that despite the stress my new life sometimes causes me.... it IS worth it. lol. I may end up with a wrinkly bod and gray hair wayyyy before my time, but as long as Chris will still have me that's ok :)

Then! My best friend started a new chapter in her life :) I'm very proud of her, and excited! I remember the summers we spent together doing the CRAZIEST things and although we may not so cray cray anymore I'm very excited about having her so close this summer :)

And then... My SIL finally had little Charli. Of course, she is GORGEOUS! and will probably be spoiled rotten but thats ok with me cause she always has to go home with mom and dad. Geez, that sounds so weird... my brother is a dad :0    

I wonder where we will all be a year from now?!

say what?! white smoke?!

So apparently everyone on facebook is talking about the new pope, and the white smoke, blah blah...

I thought the first person who referenced white smoke was talking about getting high. lol! I won't say who it was b/c honestly when I saw it I thought "Ha, they would be."

Well, a new pope. That's good.

Moving on, my step-kids are hilarious. We are planning to have them a little b-day bash next weekend. Nothing big. Just some pizza and cake at the park and it will be Dr. Seuss themed :) Then on Sunday we are leaving and going to Pigeon Forge! Yay! We will come back Monday, but I'm very excited that we will get to stay the one night. The kids have never stayed in a hotel before :)

I kinda got side tracked. This is why they are so funny. Yesterday we went to Fort Oglethorpe to pick up Gabe's meds and so I thought we would go by the park too. I stopped at Sonic and got them something to drink and a corndog to munch on for the drive to town. As we were going through the Battlefield I glance in my rear view mirror and Mary is holding up her corndog, which she has bitten 2 eye holes and a mouth in. She then says a line from the movie Shark Tales, "I'm not a loser... I'm a WIENER!"

Seriously it was funny, if for no other reason than it was totally unexpected when I looked at my mirror. Of course when I laughed she took that as an "ok" to say it about 10 more times even after she bit his head off. lol.

Then we get to the park and Gabe attempts to tell all the little kids that it's a dangerous play ground and to not walk it the puddles :) Ethan was wearing his trusty rainboots so he didn't heed Gabe's warning. Then Joey used his fingers to draw a road in the middle of the sandy walking track. It was a very nice picture (he's going to be an artist). Everything was cool til the mom with a stroller started heading his direction. He just stayed quiet and watched her til she passed him. Joey had drawn a "Roads closed" sign and the mom was fast approaching it. He started chasing her and saying "No! Wait! The roads closed!" lol. It would have been better had the mother played along, but most people don't know how to Gabe and Joey in. That's ok most of the time though b/c they think those people have the problem, not them. I hope it stays that way.

The only damper of the day was while I was pushing Joey in the swing he kept yelling "Ninja!" over and over and over and over, and this mom was just STARRING at him.

Didn't her mother ever tell her it's not nice to stare? I don't think it's me being over self conscious either. She was definitely starring. How annoying.

School is school, but I'm ok with that :) I'll have to take 3 summer classes and a full load this fall and then I'll be *IN* the program. Woo hoo! Right now I'm making 3 A's and one C. The C is in my Art Appreciation class. Soooo thought it was going to be a breeze course. I was wrong.

Friends are great, just wish I had more time to spend with them. Especially my BFF Rach and my bug Haddie Jo :)

Family is great too, SIL will be having that baby in just a few weeks (if she makes it that long) and I can't wait!!!!!!!! I love that new baby smell, much better than new car smell. lol.

OOO! and my DIY has taken off :) I've always LOVED making things and for right now I'm taking full advantage of people wanting to purchase my creations. I pretty much live at the new Michael's in Fort Oglethorpe. You have no idea.... :/  

and 1/4 of our living room is devoted to my craft supplies. One day ::insert dreamy face:: I'm going to have a big, old, beautiful house with a big room just for my crafts. Chris can have a gamers paradise and I'll have a craft cave. lol.

I need to snap out of it and finish some laundry before the hubby gets home! Kid free night, oh what will we do?!

everything

So, things around the Gilbert household have settled into a routine.... of sorts :)

I'm currently off mon-wed which has been a life saver as far as my sanity and school work goes. Of course I am a procrastinator but I have decided that this is just part of my personality and I should embrace it. lol. I give my first big speech next week and have decided on the topic "How to make a Litter Box Cake" should be fun and tasty (hopefully). I'll be sure to post pics on my next blog :) I have to say that my least favorite class is Art Appreciation. I thought that it would be my fave and that it wouldn't be all that difficult. Honestly, I don't think the class has to be as difficult as it is for us to learn the material, but the instructor is.... I don't how to explain it.... weird. I always thought that I was an artistic person until I had that class. Now I realize that while I do like some things I do not appreciate all art. I'm ok with that. A triangle with two blue squares looks like.... a triangle with two blue squares and I can't derive any more meaning other than that. lol. I've decided that if I can make a "C" in the class I'll be more than satisfied. In all my other classes I'm making A's. Ballin.

Work = Easy Peasy. I sub on Tursdays and Fridays and work Sat and Sun. I'm already getting attached to my kids there. I'ts hard not to. I love that I look forward to seeing their little faces. I've been in the infant room most nights. For the most part it has been wonderful but I have had a few wailing fits that have made me want to run to the hospital to have my woman parts ripped out. lol. I love feeding my little babies though. They make the sweetest sounds when they eat :)

Chris is great. Always so helpful. Marriage is about being a team in all things. It shouldn't fall on one person to do more than the other. Chris and I ask each other how each others day has been. He will ask me if I slept well :) or would I like him to cook :) We are always concerned about the other and it's genuine not just to shut the other one up.... I think. lol. I just feel blessed to have such a great husband. It's rare I take him for granted and when I do I'll quickly catch myself. We are planning a little 2 day get-a-way next week to Tellico and I'm so excited to see that river again and take a trip down memory lane :)

I have a busy day ahead but I just wanted to get this down... She has been on my mind lately. I don't want it to seem odd. I've been thinking about Holly almost everyday. It's not that I'm dwelling on her and her death b/c I'm not. Sometimes she just crosses my mind quickly and sometimes the whole way home I'll think of her. Memories. Also, I've dreamed of her twice now. Both dreams have been very weird.... In both dreams I was aware that she had passed but she was still there. The last dream I had was a few days ago and in my dream she was happy, smiling, and pregnant.... I've lost people that were close to me before but I've never dreamed about them or thought about them so much. I keep wondering why that is? Maybe, b/c I'm older now. An adult with a family and children. I think of Addy and Preston everytime I think of her. I don't have a feeling of sadness either. Just thoughts. Maybe b/c the pink ribbon is EVERYWHERE is why she is always on my mind. Who could help but think of her when you see it?

Alright, well it's time for me to go and tackle the day!

a good day gone bad

I had planned on blogging today full of mirth and good spirits.... but.... I'm totally wiped out :(

I'm sitting here with a glass of champagne and a stack of homework and notes so I should make it snappy.

Things have been swell around the Gilbert household. I have started school with a bang. I hope I can keep up the good work through the semester. I can tell you it's not what I thought it would be. Funny how it wasn't what I thought it would be the first time around either.... In spite of my awful mood this very moment I'm optimistic about finishing my college career and moving on to greener pastures. I can't wait to have my own students and class room.

Also, I have started a job at Childcare at Volkswagon. So far, I love it. I've only worked there 3 days but I feel like it's going to be a great group of people to work with and my schedule is really the icing on the cake. I couldn't have found a better place and schedule. On my first day a little boy, 4 years old, came up to me and the first thing he said was, "My dad drinks beer!" Then he proceeded to tell me how much and how often he drinks. Kids are so observant.

So, why am I so drained?

I was doing good until the kids got home from school. We went over to my MIL for a cupcake and the kids were outside playing. Everything was peachy. All of a sudden Joey was having a COMPLETE melt down. Hands over ears, crying, and screaming. I went to him but for several minutes I couldn't console him or reel him back in. It's frustrating. To make matters worse Mary and my neice Pressley thought it was funny. I got angry at first, but even at thier age we have avoided discussing with them anything regarding autism. So, yea, they know Gabe and Joey aren't like them but they don't KNOW. I waited until we got back to our house to sit and talk to them. I don't know how well I explained things... but I tried my best. It was hard to talk to them with a knot in my throat :( He was just fine and then it was like someone flipped a switch and he was completely consumed by fear. Sometimes he hates to walk in grass. He says "It's too loud." Of course, I don't hear the grass, but he does. I don't know what flipped that switch but even after the screaming stopped he didn't want to walk through the grass.

Came home and continued with the usual routine. Supper, homework, and baths. I had the girls in the tub when I heard a thump. The sound was in the back of my mind b/c the boys are always making loud noises and wrestling. When I came out of our bathroom, Chris had Gabe on the bed, and I knew right away what was happening. I've mentioned before that Gabe has seizures. Even after 3 years I haven't witnessed Gabe having a seizure. For that I'm thankful. I went to grab Gabes diastat (kind of like an epipen) Chris and I administered the medication and waited. Even now I can't stop the tears....
It wasn't a bad seizure... and I wasn't scared. I just felt the worst sense of helplessness. My heart just broke. My sweet Gabe trapped by his own body.

I love my step-children, and I wouldn't hesitate a second to take their place when they are sick or feel heartache. There was nothing I could do. It only lasted a few minutes but I'm still just so sad. A little while after it happened I went in our bathroom. Shut the door. Set on the side of the bath tub and cried. I know it probably won't be the last time I see Gabe have a seizure, I'm sure that I will always be able to take care of him, but I know everytime I'll cry.

And now somehow I have to get my mind wrapped around my text books....
I just hope that tomorrow is better.

A rat and a frying pan.

So, my very busy day got started a lot earlier than I thought it would. Amazon has completely messed up my sleeping and I woke up wide awake at 2:30 a.m. I layed there for a little while trying to go to sleep to no avail :( Also, I was hungry. Got up thinking I would grab a little snack and take some Nyquil and try to sleep some more. When I got to the pantry and opened the door... 2 beady black eyes were staring at me!!!!!! It was a very large mouse. I was frozen in fear. Seriously. Then all of a sudden he disappears. I was in sheer panic mode. Went to wake up Chris (who wasn't as concerned as I was) and insisted he get up to try and kill it. He grabs a frying pan and I grabbed a laundry basket. I told myself if I saw it run out I would trap it with the basket (HA!). Chris said it was on the floor looking at him and that's when the mouse ran out, scurried along the bottom of the kitchen cabinets, and hid under our dishwasher. I lost it. I started crying. It sounds ridiculous now, but at 3 a.m. I was far from stable and all I could think about was that the fat bastard had been munching on the groceries I just bought :( I knew I wouldn't be able to relax until I went Walmart and bought some traps... so, off to the store I went in my pajamas and house slippers.

An hour later I finally get back home and set the glue traps out with some cheese in the middle. I tried to go back to sleep knowing I would have to get up in an hour to start my very busy day. At this point my excitement about starting school was not there.

The alarm came way too soon. I had only been asleep for maybe an hour :( dragged myself out of bed and started to get the kids and myself ready. Chris helped me get the backpacks and such together and started my car for me (sweet guy). I headed straight for Dalton after dropping the kids off b/c I had to take care of some things at the business office and get my parking decal. Luckily, I didn't have trouble finding a parking space but it was far away. When I got to the business office they said they needed me to verify my identity, which I did, then they said that to get a replacement Higher One card I would have to pay $20... What? I haven't attended school there in 5 years and they expected me to still have the same card? Anyways, that got under my skin. Then I headed in the direction of the Public Safety Office. Kristen had told me it was in a dungeon and it really was lol. It was in the basement of one of the technical buildings and it took me lots of wrong turns and stairs to find it. As soon as I got to the door of the office I remembered I had forgotten to write down my tag #

OMG. Kill me!!!

Out I go. Take a half mile trek up a hill back to my car to get my tag # and alllllllllll the way back to the chokey aka Public Safety Office. It takes 5 seconds to get the stupid decal and I can finally head toward my first class.

The rest is history. I really like my speech professor. He has a dry sense of humor and when he talks it bleeds sarcasm and he uses profanity. All those things combined makes him fun :) My geography professor is very nice but is a compulsive mug holder. I counted 23 times he picked up his coffee cup only to hold it for a moment and set it back down. He never did get a sip. lol. My math instructor is super cool, very laid back, and seems like he is going to be supportive and helpful. I really suck at math so I'm glad he is so willing to help.

I have one more class to start and it's on Friday, Art Appreciation. I hope my luck holds out and that professor is just as laid back as my other ones. I know this semester is going to be hard work just b/c it's been so long since my brain has been in the "absorb" mode. Over all, though I think it's going to shape up to be a great first semester :)

I have got to get off here now. Gabe and Joey are driving me nuts saying "Dude!" and begging me to pop some popcorn :)