Vacay 2012

A play by play of the day by day:

Friday- We got kind of a late start. I spent all day packing and doing last minute laundry. I even tried to take a nap, but shut eye was not forth coming. Chris got home about 5 and we got busy loading my parents van. On our way to pick up the kids I remembered I forgot my ankle bracelet, seems trivial but I really wanted to take it, so we went back home to get it. Then we had to go pick Gabe's meds up from the pharmacy. Stopped to get something to eat for dinner and we were FINALLY on the interstate by 9 or a little after. Chris drove til we got through Atlanta and then I took over and drove til we were across the Florida line. Chris drove the last leg of the journey and we got to Pawpaw Sam's around 6 in the morning. Of course the kids were super excited and immediately wanted to go go go, but Chris and I HAD to take a nap.

Saturday- We woke up from the nap and Chris and I got the kids ready to go out for breakfast. Went to Cracker Barrel and really the only thing eventful that happened there was Gabe stood up to announce that he farted (loudly). We stayed with Chris' Pawpaw Sam. He lives right on Lake Wier. It's beautiful, he has brought in sand over the years and has a great setup right on the lake. Honestly, the kids have just as much fun there as they do at the ocean :) And we stay in a seperate little house he has for family or friends when they come to visit. So anyways I go to the store. Where we are staying also happens to be the largest retirement community in the country. They call it The Villages. The Villages is an old persons dream come true, I mean they even have stickers on their cars that say The Villages is where they came to croak. lol. They have their own radio station, happy hour (best margarita ever), tv station, ZIP CODE!!! They even have seperate lanes on the roads for golf carts and the Wal-mart even has a seperate parking for golf carts. No joke! So anyways I go to get groceries and it was so stressful b/c every isle I went down I had to dodge someone in a hoveround, and it was sooooo crowded. Anyways finally got back to the house and got to relax on the lake myself and we pretty much were beach bums for the rest of the day :) When the sun set we went out on the dock and ate some water melon. It was beautiful :) The only  thing that could have made it better was if the wind wasn't blowing so hard that every time you took a bite of your watermelon the wind didn't spray the juice everywhere. lol.

Sunday- It was so nice not to have to set an alarm clock and just sleep in til... 9. lol. Ate breakfast and went down to the lake. Chris' sister, mom, niece with son, and little niece were on their way down as well and the kids were axniously waiting on their arrival. Around lunch time they finally got there and the real fun began. lol. To be honest we didn't do a whole lot Sunday except lay on the lake. This is the day I got my first layer of burn. My legs mainly while I floated out on the lake, my thighs were a nice shade of hot pink by the end of the day.

Monday- Ocean day. Last year we went to an Atlantic beach but Chris' sister Carrie suggested we go to a Gulf beach since the water and sand is much cleaner and clearer, and the rip tide not near as bad. So we decided to drive to Clear Water, a 2 and a half hour drive. We made great time and the traffic wasn't bad at all til we got on the strip. The beach was crowded but not too bad and we ended up having a great time, it was definitely worth the extra time driving. The water was much clearer and the sand was softer and more shells on the beach. The kids fed seagulls and got chased and fun was had by all :) we left around 4 and no one thought about the rush hour traffic in Tampa :( Pressley our youngest niece (6) had decided to ride back with us and while we were stuck in bumper to bumper traffic had a melt down and wanted to ride with her momma. Then Ethan is doing the pee-pee dance and near tears him self b/c his bladder is at max capacity. We are at the part of the interstate when all the by-passes and various interstates are criss-crossing each other and there is NO WHERE to go. So we had to push our way to the concrete wall in the middle of the interstate where Ethan opened the van door and pee-d then picked up a Pontiac car hood emblem which Chris made him put down. Finally we get out of the traffic and stopped for a happy meal and everyone is happy and no more tears were shed.

Tuesday- more lake and sun and relaxing and then in the evening Carrie (SIL) and niece Kayte babysat so Chris and I could go out to a romantic dinner :) We went to an italian place in The Villages called Red Sauce and it was delish. Very fancy. Then we got an ice cream and walked around the lake and the town square. They had some vendors set up in the square and I got a margarita while we walked around and looked at things. We found a vendor that made personalized banners with your choice of hip and cool border. We got Gabe a Thomas the Train, Mary a Tangled, Ethan a Spongebob, and Joey an Angry birds :) They are really nice and we plan on hanging them in their rooms. Also, I got a pair of flip flops that are super comfy at the Bass store. Chris didn't get anything for himself :/ He is a good dody to me :)

Wednesday- The 4th- We pretty much chilled all day, then later in the evening we had a cook out with tonssss of good food :) We were leaving that night but we had a great time and the kids were exhausted by the time we loaded up to leave. We were a few miles away when Chris' mom called and said we had forgotten Gabe's meds so we had to turn around. We were finally on the road again at 10. Driving home was much worse as far as being tired. Chris drove most of the way. Everytime my eyes shut all I saw was my comfy bed. lol.

Made it home and I thought I would have to blog soon so I  didnt forget it all. We had an amazing time and this isn't everything we did. I could probably write a book. I love making memories with my family. Time goes by soo fast and they will be teenagers in the blink of an eye, and then adults. I caught myself looking all round, at the kids, at Chris just trying to soak up the moment and willing myself not to forget :) I can't wait til next summer!

Also, I got bit by a leech.

Slacker

I know! I know! It's been almost a month since my last post, but I swear I have been SUPER busy. lol.

Well we have the living room and computer/ play room painted and new carpet installed :) This has made the biggest difference. I love to come home and, seriously, just look at the walls and walk on the carpet barefoot. Last night I vacuumed and it was FUN!

August 11th I'm having a Premier Jewellry party and this will be the first social gathering this house has seen since I moved in over a year ago. Chris and I still have a lot to get finished before then. So, I told him that when we get back from Florida next week we have to catch our 2nd wind and attack the DIY projects I've had stored in my mind for months. Thank God for Pinterest!!!

I plan on having a blog with before and after pics about the house make-over for everyone to see, so keep an eye for that in the future :)

Feeling very at ease about my fertility situation (or lack there of). The other day Mary asked when I was going to have a baby. I told her that I wasn't sure, that sometimes having a baby can take awhile. She then told me that to get pregnant I have to fall in love with her daddy and then I will get a baby in my belly. lol. I told her that daddy and I were in love but even then sometimes it can take awhile, then I tried to explain to her that women have eggs kinda like chickens (don't know if this was the right path to take lol) and that my eggs were different from other womens eggs......

:/

She then asked when I was cooking dinner. Guess she lost interest. lol.

I haven't had a cycle since December, but I'm trying not to worry too much. They told me that the cysts or follicles don't hurt me so as long as I'm not in pain I'm ok. I'm running with that b/c who enjoys having a period? not me. The only thing that is seriously killing me is my ACNE! UGH! I have always had a problem with breakouts, but when I'm on BC I have little to no acne. I have turned into a pizza face. My whole face is broken out and what really stinks is I have the under the skin pimples that just won't pop (gross i know) and they hurt :( When I met Chris I was on BC so I had a clear face and now I'm a pizza face. He says he doesn't care, but it's realllllllly annoying me.

By the way, I came home from work the other night and Chris had bought me a dozen roses and a verrrrrrrry sweet card :) 2 years later and he is still so sweet to me. Still opens doors for me. Also, he does housework. You read right. Housework. I sometimes call him Danny Tanner.

We are leaving for Florida tomorrow night. So ready! I'm ready to relax and enjoy not seeing the Roadhouse for a week. Well, I'm going to wrap this up got to get ready for me last day at work before we leave!

Patience is a virtue

It's been awhile since I've written anything, but to tell you the truth I have either been so busy I don't have time to blog or I feel like I don't have anything very interesting to write about :/

School is officially finished for the year and it's summer break. YAY! I am really excited right now, but I know in about 5/6 weeks I'll be begging for September 4th to get here. So far we have pretty much a full agenda. Florida at the end of June and I couldn't be more ready to see the ocean and chillax on the lake. Bring on the margaritas!!! Plus Chris and I are forcing ourselves to finally do something about fixing up the house. It's needed to be done but we have pushed it back again and again. Not anymore!

Still finding ways to pinch pennies here and there. I finally got my clothes line abut a week ago. Honestly, Chris has hung out more clothes than I have at this point but it seems to be working wonderfully. One day last week it was super hot and sunny and a load of clothes dried in less than an hour! Today I also made my first batch ever of home made butter! I still haven't tried it yet, but how can you mess it up really?

Last week I went to the doctor with Rachel and I found out the sex of her baby on the way. We had a Gender Reveal Party today and I thought it was a success :) Lots of good food (ate so much thought I was going to barf) and I made PINK filled cupcakes for her and Ed since they are having a baby girl :)

I haven't told anyone but Chris this but when I first found out Rachel was pregnant it was hard for me to be happy for her... I admit that I was completely jealous. I didn't like feeling that way but I did. I had to force the excitement when we would talk about the pregnancy... It was hard. Really I don't know what made things change but I have decided not to stress about ME. In a way I've let it all go. I realize that my time will come when it's the right time and to be honest... now is not the best time. Chris and I still have a lot we need to do before we are ready to take on an infant. I realized that not only was I stressing myself out over getting pregnant I was stressing myself out over whether or not we could handle having a baby at this point anyways. Am I ready to take care of 4 kids, wake up with a baby at night, have a baby that is completely dependent on me for EVERYTHING, and stay out of work for an extended period of time? and the answer is no.

In a perfect world Chris and I would be the Duggars (not really lol). Some people can be baby factories and not think about the responsibilities they have in the present. Thats cool too. Whatever floats your boat. Me? I can't do that.

So I came to the realization that right now and in the near future I'm going to have to be happy with what I have. And what I have is amazing :) and my best friend is going to have a baby! and I am SOOOOO very happy for her and Ed. When I saw that sweet little profile on the ultrasound machine it brought tears to my eyes. Hadley is a REAL human being. I know she is going to be beautiful and the sweetest little ballerina. And I mean it 100% when I say I couldn't be happier.

I'm not going back on BC so if it happens it happens and maybe in a year or so if it hasn't happened I'll look into more drastic measures. It's not that I've changed my mind, but I was really thinking that 6+1 would be a field of daisies with cotton candy clouds, but it's not about ME, it's about US. And, who is more in tune with reality but myself? lol. I got caught up in my fairytale for a few months but now I've smelled the coffee and woke up. Will we have a baby? yes. Anytime soon? Probably not.

Patience, my friends, patience.

Whats most important.

So things have settled down this week. Thank God! I seriously have to figure out a way to de-stress. Every thing gets to me and it gets to me so much so that I find  it difficult to focus on what's in front of me.

Today I made out a "To-Do" list and I actually ended up getting everything done but one thing (Cleaning the kids' bedrooms). I think that at the ripe age of 24 I'm going to have to be that lady with lists. ugh.

Yesterday Chris came home with some exciting news. Due to a turn of fortunate events we will be able to take the kids to Florida  this year. We had previously decided that this year we wouldn't be able to go because of funds, BUT now we get to go! So excited and we will go at the end of June which will be here before we know it :)

The school year is winding down and the kids have so much planned in the next few weeks. This friday is field day, and I'll be volunteering, hope I get time to see the kids... and later this month Ethan will be in a play. He has to dress up as a carrot. lol. How cute! will have to go shopping this weekend for some carrot making materials. May have to get on Pinterest after this (random) post.

Also, today we (me, mom, crystal, ashley, and mary) had some Mothers Day pics taken. Amanda Russel took them and I think they will turn out great :) I usually use TS photography (you rock Tessa) but Amanda Russel photog was having a Mothers Day special, and I'm all about snatching up good deals :) I honestly can't remember the last time we had some nice photos taken with my mom. I know that I will cherish them and hold them close to my heart. My mom is and has always been my rock, what I fall back on. I'm so grateful for our close relationship and the respect we have for one another. Ok Ok I'm done being sappy. lol.

My eye lids feel like they are being pulled down with 50 pound weights. (head falls on key board...)

This is America right?

This is America right? I have rights don't I? Free speech? Ok (whew!) I was starting to think I was living in a communist country ruled by bitches. lol.

Over it.

This past week has been fairly uneventful with the exception that I made some pretty darn good money this week. The only day that totally sucked was Sunday. Worked a double for $50. Puke.

Today I had to take Ethan to the eye doctor and ended up keeping him out the whole day. He even went to the chiropractor with me (and wanted to get adjusted. lol) I told him maybe some other time.

Went to some yard sales Saturday and came away with some sweet steals. A lot of houses only had baby clothes. They grow out of them so fast and don't really play in them so there is a lot of resale as far as infant stuff goes. When your kids are older though clothes get grown out of just as fast and they are usually worn from play. I did find a t-shirt for Ethan though, several winter things for Mary, a Melissa and Doug birthday cake (very cute), a copy of "What to expect when your expecting." for $1, and the entire series of Little House on the Prairie books! I have mentioned before that I LOVE LOVE Little House on the Prairie books. This was by far my favorite find. ME=NERD.

Then today I had to deal with some rubbish. I'm not going to talk any smack. The fact is this: I love my family. All of them. I love my step-kids and to be honest I never think of them as my STEP kids. They are just my kids. When I was growing up I called my STEP dad Jim but I thought of him as my dad. I had two dads. When I introduced people to my mom and step-dad I never said step-dad I just said dad. What's the big deal really? I bust my ass working 40+ hours a week to help feed, clothe, and meet the needs of four kids that didn't come from my womb. Is it too much to ask that I just be able to call them what I want to? I'm not in a competition. I don't buy them food b/c I want to look better than their mother. I don't buy them clothes b/c I want to look better than their mother. I don't do ANY of the things I do for them b/c I'm trying to "replace" or compete with their mother.

I DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE THEM.

I DO IT BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT A MOTHER DOES.

I'm not going to stop being a mother and I'm not going to apologize for being me. I have always been that person who is willing to give the shirt off their back or the shoes off their feet for someone who needs them. I would be ashamed of myself if I took a step back from my duties to provide for my family simply because someone gets offended that I call my step-children my children.

I was reminded of this saying today that I've seen a 1,000 times on Father's Day hats and shirts.

"Any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy"

The same can be said for mothers. I have never said that their mother couldn't do for them, but why should I be expected to do less?! Should it not be appreciated that I love them and enjoy my time with them?

Unfortunately I feel like this is something that I will be battling for many years to come b/c I will not give in. My step-children deserve the best of everything this world can offer them and I intend to make sure they get it.

I'm not angry. I'm not upset. I am determined.

Rollercoaster.

                                                                       "After a While"

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

by Veronica A. Shoffstall

 

 

I copy and pasted this from Angela Amick. It stuck with me and it moved me because it's true. Yesterday I went back to the ob/gyn. I'm starting to think I may need to change doctors, not because I think he is making the wrong choices for me, but because he talks to me like I don't have a brain. :/

 

After telling me I shouldn't go on a low carb diet and a lecture on how metabolism works I got yet another lecture when I told him I had started seeing a chiropractor after reading some online articles that it can POSSIBLY help with fertility.

 

"The endocrine system is my area of expertise and your spine has nothing to do with your ovaries."

 

O.K. but along with the spine come 1,000's of nerves which control your entire body. It's like the super speed way for the body and it's functions. I still think that chiropractic adjustments can help improve fertility, maybe not for everyone, but I'm still going. I LOVE my chiropractor! It feels so good to go and have him work out all my kinks.

 

The next few months are going to be sooo busy. Basically, we are on the downward slope for school. The last day of school is June 1st, and I'm ready! Summer break isn't even here yet and I'm thinking about the next school year. Hopefully, Ethan will be with Mary's teacher of this year. We love Mrs. Morgan :) and next year Gabe will be in 5th grade :( I'm already building anxiety about Middle School... Especially b/c he will have to go alone without his brothers and sister :( I'll be a basket case this time next year!

 

Random ramblings.

 

Also, this weekend I'm getting a clothes line! yayyy! You may think this is no reason to get excited, but anyway to save money is a reason for excitement. When you do an average of 2 loads of laundry a day, a chance to not use the dryer as much is a good thing! I have been continuously looking for ways for us to save money.

 

Home made laundry detergent.

 

Raw milk and eggs.

 

When the kids aren't  too dirty having them all use the same bath water (don't judge me lol)

 

Consignment and Thrift store shopping.

 

Losing the movie channels.

 

What else is there???

 

This Friday is the Special Olympics and I'm super stoked to see Gabe and Joey. Just bummed I won't be able to stay the entire time. Gotta love the Roadhouse. Puke. Well going to get off here and clean up a bit and then maybe fit in a nap.

not all it's cracked up to be.

These past few months have really been a doozy for my body. I'm 24 and I'm falling apart! Not really, but sometimes that's what I feel like.

I've been going through all these different emotions lately. Sometimes I'm happy other times I'm sad or beside myself... I keep telling myself things aren't that bad and that going to the doctor is what's best for me right now and that going to the doctor is what's going to make me better. BUT I'm sick of going and hearing bad news, and I've been taking Metformin for a month now and honestly don't feel any different.

Then I think - Right now Chris and I have so much we need to do to the house and the kids keep us so busy. It'll be good for us if I don't have a baby right away.

... and I know this is true, but when I see people pregnant and see them planning their baby showers and talking about what bottles they are going to use and discussing baby names only a part of me can be happy for them, and I don't like feeling that way :( I've thought maybe I'm not jealous that they are pregnant, but that they could get pregnant. And it may seem  silly but having a womans body that doesn't function the way a womans body should can make one feel a little less than attractive, a little less like a woman.

I stay busy most times but it's when I'm not busy that I dwell on it. It's when everyone is asleep at 2 a.m. and I'm still awake looking on infertility message boards trying to relate to women who are going through what I'm going through that it fills my mind up so that I don't sleep well. Can I just fast forward to when my ovaries start working? lol.

I've always been that person that keeps a smile on their face no matter what. I'm still smiling through it all, but it's not easy. I don't want people to think I'm being a pansy or making a mountain out of a mole hill either. I don't deserve to have to go through this and it sucks that I have to. Why can't the lazy women who don't want kids have bad eggs? I like kids, and I have crappy eggs.

Seriously frustrated. Go back to the OB/GYN monday and I'm hoping they will do another ultrasound and I'm hoping my ovaries look like snickerdoodles instead of chocolate chip cookies. Fingers crossed.